


Second Backstories

by Shaa_Knaa



Category: Naruto, 幽☆遊☆白書 | YuYu Hakusho: Ghost Files
Genre: But it's mostly chatting about the past, Gen, Hiei is in full Feral Murder Mode, It comes up rarely, Just a warning it's a bit all over the place, Polyamoury mentions, Rebuilt Uzushiogakure | Hidden Eddy Village, This is by design, Twin bonds, Yusuke's Trans now, first installment, hints of romance, mindspace, reincarnation shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27967628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaa_Knaa/pseuds/Shaa_Knaa
Summary: Team Urameshi have been dead for hundreds of years. But a strange paperwork anomaly has them being reincarnated to investigate. But First they need to grow old enough to actually accomplish anything. Will they be able to establish themselves in this new world full of ninjas?
Comments: 22
Kudos: 11
Collections: 2020 Yu Yu Hakusho Big Bang





	1. Yusuke

"You sent... Shizuru?"

"Yes, Yusuke. I sent Shizuru," Koenma replied. "I thought this case was particularly suited to her talents."

"Yeah Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelled. "Are you tryin to say my big sis is stupid?"

"Relax Kuwabara. She's just... Dead. Like, ya know... ALL OF US. He's not supposed to give dead people cases."

"I'm afraid you're wrong Yusuke. You see," Koenma's tone became serious. "Shizuru isn't dead."

Yusuke blinked, "come on man. We've all been dead for hundreds of years. Stop pulling my leg."

"I am not 'pulling your leg'." Koenma replied, "under certain circumstances I am allowed to have agents reincarnated with their memories. It's a big to-do, and we're about to do something quite unprecidented."

"Oh Yeah, what's that?"

"To explian that, I'll have to explain the case." He climbed onto the desk and pressed a button on the remote showing a strange land mass. "These are the elemental nations. We don't have a lot of information on them because, like the demon world, we don't hold sway over it. But unlike the demon world they don't try to cross over to other dimensions much. The people there are different from normal humans, but not much. and there are a LOT of Ninja."

"Now, the person you need to find is Orochimaru. We can't get a lot of information on him because what he's doing is scrambling his file as well as multiplying it."

"Woah there! What does that mean? Multiplying Paperwork?" Kuwabara asked.

"It means the file we use to judge someone after their death is literally multiplying. And at a fairly alarming rate. Nothing like this has ever quite happened, but similar cases are generally done by scientists doing experiments with people's souls. Shizuru has the spirit awareness and combat capabilities to take down a rouge scientist, easy. But she ran into a problem."

"What is it?" Kuwabara asked, "Is she alright?"

"She's fine. She just discovered Orochimaru is one of the most powerful ninja on the planet. That's not something she can handle alone. Furthermore, she suspects the reason his file has been multiplying is because _he_ has been multiplying. Which means if she goes after him she'll have multiple of the worlds strongest shinobi after her."

"So she needs some backup? Yeah, we can do that." Yusuke smirked. "I can introduce him to my Reigan."

"You don't need to kill him Yusuke. You need to either stop or reverse his multiplication."

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I'll give 'em a chance to survive or whatever."

"Thank you, Yusuke." Koenma said gracefully. "Kuwabara, I assume you're down?"

"You bet I am! Let's go help my big sis out."

"Fantastic. You'll be some of the first to go. Just to warn you, I'm spreading you out around the world. You'll need to make your way together. I'll try to make sure they're all familiar faces."

[THREE YEARS LATER]

"Rei, come sit down."

Yusuke rolled his eyes, "Yes Tousan."

The room had three people in it. All with the Hitai-ates that this world used to denote ninja. Dealing with his father's guests was usually boring, but maybe the ninja would be a bit interesting.

"This is my daughter Rei," said Yusuke's Dad. Yusuke couldn't blame him for being wrong. This body wasn't exactly equipped like his old one. "She's been acting odd for the past few months and we were hoping you could take a look at her."

The blond ninja chuckled, "I can certainly do that, but I must warn you that I probably won't find much. My daughter is the same age, and can fluctuate quite a bit."

"I know... I just want to be _sure_ ya know."

Yusuke just looked at him disbelievingly. He knew they were rich, due to his mother being fairly high in the Mafia. But his dad (who was a stay-at-home dad) spending money for _ninja_ to come look at him was a bit much. But ninja healing probably wasn't much different from what Yukina used to do, so whatever.

The blond man looked at him, "My name is Inoichi. This will go over easier if you relax. Close your eyes and try to think of something calming ok."

Yusuke shrugged, "sure." And went into meditation.

He didn't expect to be dragged deeper though. He opened his eyes in what was clearly his mindscape. Inoichi was looking around at a Makai landscape and chuckled, "You have quite the imagination don't you."

Yusuke snorted, "Yeah, I guess." He looked down at his body as his mindscape seemed to solidify. He was in a child version of his demon form. Tattoos and everything. And naked apparently. He blinked and had some comfy pants appear. That was better.

But Inoichi was looking at him, "Rei... are you a boy?"

Yusuke blinked, "I mean... Yeah? I've always been a boy. It's not my fault everyone keeps guessing wrong." He pouted. Even before he remembered his past life he knew he was a boy.

"I'm sure it's still frustrating though. I'll have a chat with your dad, alright? About how you should be treated, and your future."

"My... future?"

"Yes Rei. You're very strong you see. You could make a good ninja when you grow up."

The logical part of Yusuke's brain said it was a bad idea. He was loud, brash, and not at all subtle. Even when he was a Demon Lord. And yet...

~Ninja~

Inoichi chuckled, probably from the look on his face, "We'll see what we can arrage."

Everything faded and Yusuke opened his eyes again. This time to the real world.

"Well? What did you find?"

Inoichi chuckled, "Mostly a lot of strength. Physical and Spiritual. We'll be happy to teach Rei at the academy if you consent to it."

"Well... we'll have to think about that. Is that all?"

"Tell me, these changes. Has Rei been getting rough and tumble lately. More Rambunctious?"

"Well, yes. How did you know?"

Yusuke could see his dad's concern. But also that Inoichi was preparing to grab him if necessary. "Rei seems to have been born with a boy's mind. It's not unusual for children around his age to suddenly shift a bit once they realize that."

His father furrowed his brow in confusion, "are you certain? I'm fairly feminine and my wife is fairly masculine, but neither of us thinks we're the other gender because of it."

"I'm certain. I can tell the difference between a feminine man, a man in a woman's body, and a feminine man in a girl's body. Though that last one can take a while to solidify."

"Huh. Well, if you're sure. Rei is a gender neutral name. We can probably just gaslight everyone who knows already. We haven't really advertised her- _his_ existence. We were going to wait until he was 12 or 13. Old enough to defend himself at least a bit."

"How do you think you're wife will take it?"

"Mami? Oh, she'll be a little disappointed since she wanted to teach a girl to be strong, but she also kinda wants a son. She'll probably beat the shit out of anyone who makes fun of him. She's like that."

And with that conversation, Yusuke realized he was trans in this life. And they only thing he could think was 'huh, that's weird'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	2. Kazuma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kuwabara's Reunite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is were I start adding sketchy OCs, mostly just to fill in the world. I'm only mentioning it because I'd like to declare this story (and series if things go as plan) an OC mine. If you're having trouble coming up with random characters, just give me credit (if said fic is on AO3 you can just have it "inspired by"). Most of them are pretty sparse so I'll reserve the right to do the same with any development, which isn't likely, but still possible.

It was pouring rain. Fortunately, water doesn't soak through Uzumaki Cloaks. Kazuma clung to his father as he ran fast. Faster that he'd seen anyone but the shrimp run. He'd been running for days.

They'd been attacked. Their family had split up. He hoped the others were okay. but he was worried. He didn't know what was going on. He'd only started getting his memories back a few weeks before. But he _liked_ his new family. And now... Well. He knew he was feeling blood leak from his father's side.

Suddenly, his father stopped in front of a house hidden in foliage. He paused to breathe for a bit, then walked up and knocked on the door. "Coming," said a voice that Kazuma wouldn't forget, ever. And Shizuru opened the door. She looked just like her old self, save for her deep red hair.

"Hey big bro, what's up?"

big bro? Kazuma looked up to his father who smiled. "Hey little sis. I'm afraid your latest foundling is gonna be more closely related to you that usual."

He collapses, but somehow gently puts Kazuma on his feet at the same time.

"You can't just show up and die, big bro. Come on stand back up." That unflappable tone that Kazuma could still hear the anxiety under.

His father chuckled and rolled over. "Nah, I'm afraid I'm done for. Sorry about this. He reminds me of you. Insists his name is Kazuma." He reached in his cloak and pulled out a picture, "Make sure he remembers. Remembers Kanna and Karin. We were separated. Please..."

"Look, just... come inside. We'll patch you up." she says leaning over him.

He reached up to touch her face, "Take care of each other. I'll be watching over you." 

And his hand fell.

Silence.

Silence broken by a voice from inside, "Aunt Shizuru? What's going on?"

"New foundling." Her voice cracked as she said it. "Go back inside. This may take a couple of hours."

And it did. They made a little makeshift pyre, mostly for show, took all of his tools off him ("They're too useful little bro. Besides, he'd want you to have them"), and then Shizuru used a fire jutsu to burn his body. There was surprisingly little ash left ("that technique is for when an ally dies during a mission. So you can bring all that's left back without being encumbered.") But most of that time was spent staring at the sky and having emotions. 

Kazuma didn't like crying but when he tried to suppress him Shizuru bumped his arm, "It's alright little bro. Times like this, tears just happen. Besides... you're what? Three?"

The tears were really starting to spill, "I lived til I was 102. And who knows how long I spent dead. I should be able to-"

She pulled him into a hug, "nah. You have kid hormones. Trust me, your emotions are gonna suck for a while. But that's why we're hiding out here. Give you some time to find your dignity." And that's when he felt tear drops fall on his head. He supposed this was supposed to save both their dignities.

[SCENE BREAK]

"So, what is this place?"

"Did big bro ever tell you about our clan history?"

Kazuma shook his head.

"Well, we're Uzumaki. Technically, we branched off the Senju Clan about 300 years ago, and the Senju Clan have been ninja for as long as that word has meant anything. We branched off when we found a good source for the stuff we need for Sealing Techniques. Around 50 years the Senju teamed up with the Uchiha and made a village called Konahagakure, so we upgraded our encampment to a village as well, Uzushiogakure. We were a powerful clan, and we teamed up with other powerful clans to make a strong village, that had skyscrapers."

Kazuma jumped into the break she left there, "That sounds a bit bigger than a village sis."

She chuckled, "Right? But ninja villages are villages regardless of size. We got powerful... which made the younger villages nervous, especially with our alliance with Konoha."

"They teamed up to kick our asses, didn't they?"

"Right on the money little bro. The same time another group attacked Konoha. It started the Third Great Shinobi War. Because of that, Konoha couldn't come to our aid. They were barely able to turn back their assault. We... didn't. But we survived. Scattered. This place... when we find an orphan from one of our clans, we bring them here."

"So... Ninja Orphanage?"

Shizuru snorted, "I guess, yeah."

He took a deep breath, "I suppose... I should go meet everyone."

"Not quite."

He gave her an asking look.

"Uzushio brats are... a bit intense. But new additions never show up in best of states. They fully expect you to be shy for at least tonight, and maybe upwards of a week. You'll have time to slowly get to know everyone," she smiled. "Now let's go get some food in you."

He made a face, "I don't know if I can stomach much."

"Yeah, we expect that too." 

She led him to a kitchen with another smiling teen who had some warm miso and rice balls which... well he could eat a little of it. Then she led him to a bunk bed, handed him a night shirt, and tucked him in bed. She smiled, "Sleep tight little bro." She then turned to an older boy, "you know what to do Ageru."

"Wake 'em up if he has a nightmare, and give him directions to the bathroom if he needs it." He grinned, "Don't worry kid, we got you here. Ask me if you need any help."

He nodded, "Yeah, thanks."

He didn't have nightmares that night. But that might be because he could hear his dad hum a lullaby. 

[Scene Break]

He had thought the Uzushio Orphanage was a small house... it was not. The house was really only the tip of the iceberg. There was a rather large basement, and he sensed a larger underground network. This was a good thing because there were at least a few dozen people here.

And Shizuru wasn't kidding about the kids being intense. Everyone was intense. Explosions were legit a normal occurrence, which should be bad underground, except 'Seals' reinforced everything and made them explosion proof "except specific areas rigged to explode in an emergency." Which didn't make him nervous at all. Really.

There was only one thing keeping them in line. Uzumaki Shima, the oldest lady in the orphanage. You'd think she'd need to be beating them regularly, but she could just _Look_ at someone misbehaving too much. Everyone was convinced it was a secret ninja technique.

As Kazuma got settled in he couldn't help but wonder, after all he was here for a reason. So six months after he arrived, he asked.

"Hey Shizuru... What do you know about this Orochimaru guy? Is he the one from the kabuki play or something?"

"Kinda? but as far as I'm aware he hasn't usurped any thrones yet," she stated wryly. "He's on a team with Jiraya and Senju Tsunade. They're all some of the most powerful ninja in the world. I can barely continue my training."

"Right, the Toad Ninja and Slug Princess. But they're all ninja, now?"

"Uh-huh."

"Wait, you said Senju?"

"Yeah."

"So are they from that Konoha place?"

She sighed, "I'm not sure I like where this is going little bro."

"Look, if we're friends with Konoha, and they're _in_ Konaha. Then we can go there and look around."

"You can't just go into a hidden village and Look Around. They're full of ninja, dumbass."

"So we gain their trust."

She looks at him flatly, "You expect me to believe you can successfully gain the trust of an entire village you plan to betray? That's something Hiei would do."

"Don't compare me to that shrimp. Besides, he wouldn't bother gaining anyone's trust. And _we_ wouldn't need to betray Konoha. It's not like we need to kill Orochimaru or anything. We just need to figure out why his file keeps multiplying and stop it. I feel that's not solved by murder."

She turns to face him completely and look him deep in the eye. "Feel like morals, or feel like the weather?"

"Come on, sis. Stop teasing."

"I'm not teasing. Once you became a weatherman you were literally never wrong."

Kazuma sighs, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. He feels it out. The first thing he notes is that it will be sunny tomorrow. He didn't spend his first life sharpening his psychic abilities and studying meteorology for nothing.

Then he feels towards Konaha. Should they go? Yes. Would they need to kill Orochimaru? Maybe, leans towards not. Would they have to betray Konoha? No.

He nods. "It's iffy this far in advance, but we should go. We won't need to betray Konoha. We _might_ need to kill Orochimaru."

Shizuru scowls, "I'm not sure I like that. If killing a high rank ninja isn't betrayal then it implies some shit."

"Yeah. But we should go. I feel it in my bones."

"Alright little bro. I'll talk to Shima-baachan."

"Do we _have_ to?"

"If we want it to be legit? Yes." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	3. Hiei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiei's first murder in this new life

"You knew the entire time, didn't you?" Hiei asked.

Yukina smiled, "Not the _entire_ time. But we were alive for a millennium. You can't just keep secrets that long. Especially when your strategy is to threaten anyone who knows about it."

Hiei scowled. It was definitely a scowl and not a pout. Pouting was beneath him. "So you just let me _think_ you didn't know?"

"You seemed happier that way. I figured I'd let you tell me when you were ready." She giggled as he glared at her. "I wasn't expecting you to literally die before telling me."

"Yukina..." he put a dangerous edge to his voice. Which was definitely scary and not at all effected by the fact that he was a four year old.

"Suki. Mom doesn't approve of us using our old names remember?"

Hiei scoffed. "I don't care about her pathetic opinion. She's hiding something anyway."

"I think she's a ninja," Yukina said, smiling mischievously.

"Of course she's a ninja. But there's something... more."

And just then is when they heard the yelling and screaming. Hiei caught his twins eyes, twin in this life and the last, and ran to the house.

"BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOODLINE!" Their mother yelled at their father as they entered the house.

"You... YOU LIED TO ME! I WOULD NEVER HAVE MARRIED YOU IF I KNEW YOU HAD UNNATURAL BLOOD!" He drew a kunai and Hiei felt something shift. With speed he hadn't felt since his last life he pulled the kunai he hid in his clothes at all times and launched accross the room and stabbed his newest father figure in the throat. As blood sprayed his primary thought was how he missed the razor edge of his old sword. He could dodge the blood when it took time to spurt.

"R-Ryu...?"

He looked up at his mother and stared her straight in the eye. She would have to make a decision, but it was her choice.

"Don't you think that was a little extreme?"

He rolled his eyes, "No."

"Besides Kassan," Yukina's voice came from the doorway. "If niisan hadn't killed him I would."

Turning towards his sister he could see her surrounded by frost, looking about ready to throw an ice blade. But she continued, "and if we didn't, Haku would have had to. Tousan wouldn't have let us live." It was Yukina's turn to stare their mother in the eyes, fury carefully restrained, "It's best this way. Otherwise you'd be dead too. I'd prefer one person dead to four."

Hiei snorted, "You're too soft."

She smiled serenely, "perhaps."

"W-what," Haku stammers out. He seemed to be in shock in the corner. "What happens now?"

"We leave," says Hiei just as Yukina says, "Hide the body." They look at each other, and then their mother. As the Adult she was the tie breaker.

Their mother took a deep breath, "Haku, I need you to mix some bleach solution. Use twice as much bleach as usual. You guys try to clean up the blood, I'll get rid of the body." She made a hand sign, turned on the faucet, and the water flowed up and out of the sink making a human sized ice mirror. She then picked up the body and jumped into the mirror, disappearing.

Despite having lived for over a millennium, Hiei had never _hid_ a body before. He looked at Yukina, and then Haku. "What's a bleach solution?"

That caused Yukina to giggle and Haku to snap out of it, "Right. The bleach is under the sink. I'll show you."

As Haku went about filling a bucket with water Yukina turned to Hiei, "Actually, you should probably go take a shower. Try not to track any blood to the bathroom."

Stripping down to his underwear he let himself have a little smile. Maybe... maybe he'd have a parent who actually stuck around this time.

[SCENE BREAK]

The official story was that their parents had a fight, and their father left and never came home.

A couple months latter there were apparently sightings of him elsewhere and he was declared missing nin. He assumed his mother was behind it somehow. But things changed after that.

Their mother... was a seduction specialist. And she started with all her husband's friends. but sometimes, there were other people. Like the redheaded woman, or man with a large clunky sword. Hiei didn't know what his mother was up to, but...

"Oh, she's helping the rebellion."

He screwed his face up in disgust, "politics."

"You were literally banging a King of demon world."

"She never asked me to get _involved_. I just killed people who got in her way."

"And Kassan's fucking people who get in her way, and also who don't because it's easier to manipulate people who you're fucking."

"It's easier to just kill people."

Yukina smiles, "Which is why what she's doing is so impressive. But you should still stay on edge. Just in case things go south."

[SCENE BREAK]

One day their mother took them on a picnic. As they got to the coast four people who looked just like them came out from behind a bush, "Sayaka-san."

"Thank you for this."

"No Problem, it gives the genin undercover experience. See you in a few hours."

They went behind those same bushes and through a secret passage. They came out in a cave with a stream running through it. In it was the same man with the large clunky sword.

"Kids, this is my friend Zabuza. He's going to help me train you three," their mother said gently. "We're going to do two hours of general training, and then and hour of special training."

"Special Training?" asked Haku.

Their mother nodded, "You and Suki have awakened my bloodline. Ryu... hasn't. But I've noticed how interested he is in swords. So Zabuza will be showing him a thing or two."

Hiei scoffed, "I don't need a giant bludgeon. I need something sharp and fast. That _thing_ is neither. He might as well wield a club."

"Ryu!" admonished their mother.

But Zabuza just laughed, "You're gonna have to start with the basics anyway, kid. And I know how to use all sorts of swords. Including the small fast ones."

Hiei was thoroughly unconvinced, which his expression showed.

They went on a "picnic" once a week from then on out.

[SCENE BREAK]

When Hiei was six things changed yet again. Zabuza showed up in their house with a hole in his stomach. As his mother and siblings went about patching Zabuza up Hiei knew he was extraneous and would only get in the way. So he started patrolling the house.

What happened? Zabuza hadn't been on any missions. Were people still after him. 

Hiei sighed. He missed his Jagan. He'd be able to scry for information if he could just get it to manifest in his body.

As he stared out the window worrying about his family and teacher, as his heart constricted and he felt a wave of rage at those who would harm them... his eyes itched. He went to wipe away the tears he most certainly didn't have and... he didn't have any. He looked up through the window and... there were people out there. He could see their power. They were coming.

He flitted to the kitchen where the others were, everything had after images... or before images? "they're coming. We have to Go. Now."

His mother looked up and turned on the faucet. This time they all went through the mirror. As he went though he caught a glimpse of the tomoe in his eyes... He still missed his Jagan. His forehead felt empty.

When they came out the other side the temperature had dropped significantly. Hiei never had a problem with the cold, but he did notice. His family didn't have a problem with it either as their breath came out in clouds.

"We're safe here. Hiei, start a fire." She used his preferred name. This was the first time. It meant... something.

He went to the fireplace and started a fire with a jutsu he'd learned from Zabuza. His mother was surprised... their family usually has trouble with fire techniques. He had the feeling it wouldn't be much of a problem.

"Alright Yukina, I'm going to walk you through this as best I can. You just produced healing crystals, you still have to activate them. Now hold them in your hands, you need to put chakra in them as you breathe on them."

He glanced over. The healing crystals looked like tear gems.

He watched as his mother walked his sister through how to use the crystals to heal Zabuza's wound. When they were done and everyone stopped panicking he asked, "So... who are my and Yukina's father? An old teammate?"

Their mother sighed, exhausted. "Well, given your eyes, I'd say it would have had to be the night I had to distract an enemy shinobi to save my teammate's life and we ended up in a threesome." She pauses, "That's- ummm-"

"We have different fathers."

"Yeeeah."

Yukina shrugged, "We're _your_ kids. That's what matters." 

Haku nodded. Hiei just kept his gaze steady, but didn't deny it.

Their mother smiled at them. Hiei most certainly did not get a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. "You're good kids. Thank you for being in my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	4. Shizuru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuru and her genin team arrive in Konoha

"Look! There it is!" Hari piped up ecstatically. He was gangly, with a number of pink braids (barely restrained by his fishing hat) hanging to his waste. As he said it he started spinning the chain of his kusarigama in an idle circle. "It's so Big!"

Their sensei Kamaboko chuckled, red hair swaying in the wind. "Konoha is the largest of the Hidden Villages. And the most powerful. Which is why you will _put your weapon away_ before we get to the gate."

"What? Oh!" Hari blushed realizing that his fidgeting could be intimidating. "Right, sorry."

"Don't worry Hari," said Teihaku, gripping his Eku and smirking mischievously. The dark skin of his arms as exposed as his short black hair, leaving little to the imagination. "If you start to misbehave by accident, I'll just sit on you. Win-win."

"That doesn't sound like I'm winning anything." 

"The rest of us are, and there's more of us."

"SHIZURU! Tei-kun's being mean."

"First of all, you're sixteen. You can take it." Shizuru replied somewhat irritated. "Second of all, why are you asking _me_ to intervene. Sensei is _right_ here."

"I think he's asking you because you have mom vibes, and I have trickster vibes."

"I do _not_ have mom vibes," Shizuru counter calmly. "I have vowed to max out at cool aunt."

"Oh _really_?" asked Kamaboko. "And _why_ did you request we try this mission in the first place?"

"...because my little brother wants to go to a Ninja Academy and I'm an enabler." Was she blushing? Shit, she was.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm still not resolving they're shit."

"You don't need to. They aren't your kids after all. You should all put your weapons away if possible, we're approaching the gate."

Hari put his weapon away, and he tried to look as relaxed as possible. Teihaku hooked his eku over both shoulders and rested his hands on top. Kamaboko just drooped his spear at-ease. 

It was not a busy time at the gate, so they just walked up to the Chunin Guards. The guards glanced at each other as they approached and one just shrugged. "Papers?"

Kamaboko smiled and, slowly choreographing each movement, pulled out a stack of papers. The guard read through them and his eyebrows furrowed, "This says you're from Uzushiogakure and also from Redacted."

"That is correct," Kamaboko replied calmly.

"Where, exactly, is Redacted?"

"That's an S-class secret of my village."

"Your village... Redacted-gakure?" The man was clearly trying to fluster them by making it sound ridiculous. Unfortunately, he was dealing with an Uzumaki.

"That is correct. The village hidden in Redacted," he answered with the same polite smile he'd held the entire time.

"And what brings you to Konoha?"

"We would like to open diplomatic channels between Konahagakure and Redactedgakure on behalf of the old clans of Uzushiogakure."

The two Chunin stared at him for a solid 30 seconds. One pulled out a piece of paper and started writing on it while the other looked up and shouted, "genin-kun! We need you to run a messege."

And a genin did, in fact, jump over the wall and land next to the Chunin writing the missive. She stared at the contingent until she was handed the letter and started running towards the tower.

[SCENE BREAK]

The Hokage sat behind large wooden desk, evaluating them over steepled fingers. They all knew it was for show of course. A Hokage can evaluate someone without letting them know.

"Welcome to Konoha, Uzumaki-san."

"Hokage-sama."

"Seven years is quite some time. I'm surprised you didn't send anyone sooner."

"Many of us scattered to the winds. Flocking together was a slow process. Redactedgakure can barely be considered a village even now. We figured it would be safer for both our parties if we disappeared for a time. We always intended to initiate contact again... eventually. Our villages have always worked well together after all."

The Hokage nodded, "so why now?"

Kamaboko grinned a trickster's grin and turned to Shizuru, "Well... Do you want to tell him?"

She tried to inform her sensei that he was being crazy with a look, but he just kept grinning at her and she sighed. "I was giving my brother a history lesson and as soon as he about Konoha and your academy he said he had to go. That he Felt it In His Bones."

The Hokage arched a brow at that, "You're here because your brother wants to go to our academy?"

She rolled her eyes, "It's not that he _wants_ to, it's that he _has_ to. Or to be more accurate, if he doesn't it will be bad."

"Bad how?"

She shrugged, "The Portents of Doom are rarely that specific. Honestly, the weirdest part is how far in advance it is. It's usually more of a tactical thing. Knowing not to be somewhere that's going to blow up in a few minutes, things like that. But... well... I'd been feeling a tug for a while. Like something was missing. and when my brother said that... I just Knew."

"And your leaders consider this important enough to act on?" thankfully the Hokage was looking at her teacher instead of her. 

Kamaboko smiled, "We were already considering it. We were just debating on timing. And, well... That particular branch has always had strong sensing abilities. Shizuru's Presensing has been useful before. And the Chunin exam _is_ coming up. And these three are definitely candidate material." He shrugged. "It seemed to all fall into place."

"And what, exactly, are you offering?"

"By the old treaties, we offer you four shinobi to transfer into your ranks."

"All four of you?"

"Yes."

The Hokage leaned back in his chair. You could practically see the gears turning behid his eyes. Which was surprising, since he would normally hide something like that.

"Kamaboko-san." The Hokage was going out of his way to sound careful. "Times have changed. Things have happened." He paused looking pointedly into his eyes. "S-ranked things. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you for a full psych eval."

"Oh Really?" Kamaboko grinned, "We've only just met and you want to screen me for S-rank? I'm flattered. You don't even know my capabilities yet."

The Hokage looked him dead in the eye, "Tell me... does your branch _normally_ name their kids after ramen toppings?"

The man laughed, "Nah, just the first... born." He fell dead silent. "Oh FUCK."

It didn't take the Hokage too long to convince him after that.

[SCENE BREAK]

They had to be evaluated. Their village did move and lose contact with Konoha after all, so they needed to verify that the curriculum was still up to standards. But the only one who had to go through a mind delve was their sensei. Shizuru couldn't help but be relieved, who knows how strange her mind would look to an expert.

"I don't suppose the old compound is still unused?" Shizuru heared Kamaboko ask one of their evaluators after their tests. "It's been seven years, most of the Uzumaki returned to Uzushio for the Bon Festival so it was left pretty empty."

"Uzumaki compound... it was... near the edge of the village, right?" She wracked her brain. "Oh, I think the Uchiha moved in after the Kyuubi attack. It was in a less damaged area, so the council asked them to relocate to make rebuilding easier-"

Before they could more than start to suspect how strange that sounded they heard rushed footsteps down the hall. The door was slammed open to reveal a heavily breathing woman in a plain but elegant dress, and long dark hair, red eyes blazing as she looked at each of them in turn. Her eyes lingered on Shizuru and Kamaboko and she smiled. "You really _are_ Uzumaki," the woman said sinking to her knees as her eyes faded to black. "You're really back. Thank goodness."

Their sensei walked up to her and held out his hand, "I'm Kamaboko, it's nice to meet you."

"Kamaboko... Kushina mentioned you before. Thank you," she took his hand. "Thank you for coming back. Everything has gotten so unbalanced without you here. So much nonsense your family would cut through that now lasts for ages. And poor little Naruto... The council wouldn't let him be the ward of any clan."

"Wait..." said Teihaku. "Your branch really names their firstborn after ramen? I thought that was a joke."

Kamaboko grinned, "Everything's a joke. Might as well go with it." He then gestured at the woman, "Look at her. The Kami have clearly pranked her. No one should be this happy to see a strange fishcake. I don't even know her name."

She chuckled, "Mikoto. Uchiha Mikoto."

"Mikoto-san then. Nice to meet you. We were just discussing living arrange..." he slowed down seeing a dangerous gleam in her eye. "...ments."

"Don't you worry," Mikoto said straightening. "My clan will put you up in the best hotel around and _make_ you a permanent home."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "We wouldn't want to impose. We can probably stay in the temple."

"The Temple?" the saw her eye glaze in calculation. "If you give us two days we can get the temple up to snuff. We've been keeping a guard on it and doing regular inspections, but if you're going to move in it will need a _thorough_ cleaning. Are you _sure_ you'd prefer the Temple?"

Shizuru saw the feminine pride hidden under Mikoto's politeness. And she saw Kamaboko about to assure her in a way that would insult said pride. So she spoke up, "If everything goes well, we won't be the last people coming here. The Temple is only meant to hold so many people. It's perfectly fine for the six of us, but what happens when there's over a dozen of us? What if The Scattered start showing up more than we expect? Wouldn't it be useful if there was a house ready for our less spiritual cousins."

Kamaboko tried to chastise her with a look. Shizuru stared him down with a stop-being-a-dumb-man look. His responding look made it clear that this was _not_ over.

[SCENE BREAK]

Mikoto wasn't kidding about it being the best hotel in town. It had saunas and soft beds and modern decorating. Shizuru swore it was better than Hangneck Island.

Even with Kamaboko giving her a serious look. "Shizuru-chan. What was that? We can't just let her _build us a house_."

Shizuru snorted, "Just cuz she's making it for us, doesn't mean she's doing it for us. Not primarily anyway."

He gave her a flat look, "are you telling me she's making us a house... for _her_?"

"I mean... yeah?" Shizuru shrugged. "Look. Maybe this Kushina person could have reeled her in. But she's not only not here, she's dead. And then her... brother?" Shizuru glanced at him in askance.

"Technically we're second cousins, but we're claiming I'm her older brother."

"Right. So totally-kushina's-brother shows up. She's under a lot of stress for who knows what reason. And she's technically living in _our_ house. It's her _duty_ to make us feel welcome. But she _wants_ to go beyond. Partly because I don't think she ever does anything without trying to excel, but also as like... a proper last service to her friend. She clearly wanted to adopt Naruto. And she tried to make it _sound_ like a clan machination thing, but it was clearly personal. She _needs_ to welcome us, thank us, grieve, *and* distract herself, and she can't half-ass _any_ of it because her pride won't let her." Shizuru chuckled, "Or ya know... crazy girl bullshit. It's why ninja try to always make sure there's a kunoichi on the team."

Hari's eyes boggled, "is this _normal_?"

She snorted, "Nothing about this is normal. Her pride levels are off the charts. I get the feeling it's a family trait."

"And they're going to be our next door neighbors?" asked Teihaku. "We're doomed."

...

Hari: Hook  
Nagisa: Hari's family name meaning Beach/Shore  
Teihaku: Moorings, but in this case it's Anchor  
Anshu: Teihaku's family name meaning Dark Reef.  
Kamaboko: A Fishcake used as a Ramen Topping. Naruto is a type of Kamaboko.  
Shizuru: I'm going with the "Purple String" version of her name. Together   
Kusarigama: a traditional ninja weapon with a scythe on one end and a ball on the other connected with a chain.  
Eku: a traditional martial arts weapon that is literally a boat oar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	5. Kurama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurama runs off to do his own thing. This has no unforseen consequences whatsoever.

Three figures flew over Konoha on an oar. A young blue-haired Shinigami, an old woman with a sensible kimono, and a red-haired man with silver fox ears and white robes.

"This is your stop Keiko," Botan said. "Ichiraku Ramen in Konohagakure."

"Yeah," the old woman looked wistful. "Thanks Botan."

"Oh what's wrong? It won't be too long before you're reunited with everyone."

"It's fine. I'm just not looking forward to being a baby until I grow up."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. The process represses your memories for a few years. We essentially put your memories in a mental time capsule. Going from Adult to child is always pretty rough, so we figured a few years of amnesia would help."

"And... that's perfectly safe? There's no chance of it going wrong."

"Not at all! We've done this before, and it all in the up in up!"

Keiko smiled, "Thanks Botan. I suppose I'll see you in a few years?"

"Of course! I'll check in in your dreams every few years until you get old enough to start investigating things. Now, take this orb and let it do it's thing."

"Sure thing." Keiko held the orb which started glowing white. As it got brighter Keiko started to fade. "Oh... and Botan? If you find Kurama before he gets himself reincarnated on his own terms, wish him luck for me would you?" And with that Keiko faded from view leaving the bright white ball.

"If you... find him...? Wait!" Botan looked around. "Oh... that sly fox! Where did he get off to!?"

[SCENE BREAK]

Kurama was perfectly capable of living through the infant and toddler stages and was incredibly leery about the whole "amnesia" thing. And he was particularly concerned about what it would mean for his Youko aspect. 

Besides... This wasn't his first rodeo. He was perfectly capable of controlling his reincarnations Thank-you-very-much. He just needed to find a new host. Young enough that their soul wasn't fully developed yet so they could slide more or less seamlessly into the current system. So that meant a pregnant woman early in development.

He took a deep breath and let his awareness spread out... and was immediately hit by the presence of another kitsune. One that was simultaneously wilder and more divine. Not necessarily more powerful, but it's power felt strangely muted so it was hard to tell... Yeah no. Encroaching on another kitsune's _mental_ territory when they were clearly vulnerable was a _bad_ idea. Best to introduce each other in a few years when they're more defensible in their physical state. 

But then where? There were actually quite a few zygotes with potential, but most of them weren't quite right. It was odd sensing humans that had clear affinities. Dog-like, bug-like, wreathed in shadow, a few that seemed to have some sort of sensory ability. None of them right. The one that seemed to have potential for strong mental awareness was tempting... but too dangerous since it seemed lineage based.

It seemed there were only two acceptable hosts. And one was near the one with high mental awareness. Which left one high in spiritual energy already. He floated towards it and eventually flew through a window to see an adorable couple. A blonde woman and a man with grey hair. Or was it lavender? Hard to tell in the dark.

Now was the moment of truth. He settled his energy, concentrated, and entered the woman's womb. His new mother, he supposed. Hopefully one as kind as Shiori.

[SCENE BREAK]

The first thing you become aware of when you enter a body that already has a soul is the presence of someone else. Generally what you do in that case (if you want to be polite) is enter their mindspace. This... is not the usual situation. 

This soul was not yet fully formed. Being aware of someone else while being able to tell that they are not yet a someone is a fairly odd experience, though Kurama has had it before. Though... he supposed that it was just Youko at the time.

What was especially odd in this case was that the soul wasn't quite normal. But it's difficult to figure out exactly what without a mindspace. A mind space that didn't quite exist yet.

When he possessed Shuichi all those years ago Youko had just made his own mindspace not accounting for the changes Shuichi would make. He didn't realize that at the time, but it was not a wise decision. It made it difficult to change to accommodate his new human emotions. Who knows how different minds were in this world? And so, a half baked mindspace. Well... Kind of.

One day it would be a forest, but for now a field would do. Full of fertile soil. And there Kurama sat, staring at the... proto-soul. A small cloud of a thing, about the size of his thumb with very little definition. And yet it _was_ an unusual soul indeed... for it had two tails.

Where they... _already_ a system? They didn't even have a gender yet, they shouldn't be splitting. Unless...

He quickly checked in on the bundle of cells that would one day make a body. And sure enough... it was _trying_ to split in two. Into twins. But it didn't have enough physical energy to finish the job. If left alone the spirit would split while only one body developed. A rare occurrence indeed.

This certainly created a whole slew of options. But the longer he delayed the less options there would be. 

If they all shared a mindspace then this spirit's tendency to split would effect him unless he guarded against it. But that would take up spiritual energy and lower their overall level.

Two bodies was an interesting option. They could either cover twice as much ground or Kurama could take one body for himself. However, Shuichi felt that it was unfair to just take one of their bodies and it would probably eat at him if he did so.

But if Kurama split and put Youko in one and Shuichi in the other... No. Just no. That would suck. If he'd wanted to do that he would have requested they split at death. After over a thousand years of living together having only external contact with each other would _hurt_.

If only there was a way to split the bodies while maintaining a single mindspace... Was there?

He sighed and summoned his Treasure Cave, where he kept his memories. He went in and started rummaging through the loot. He didn't know how long he did so. Long enough for the small splitting soul to grow a bit larger at any rate. But he eventually found something useful: Twin Bonds.

Now, Twin Bonds are not the same as being a system. But they _did_ send mental information over a distance, sometimes great distances. If he could somehow strengthen the bond and make it go through the mindspace...

But first he needed to make sure the Host Souls developed _in_ the mindscape. He summoned two large usually carnivorous flowers and had them come down to take the soul in their mouths. They appeared to be kissing for now, but as the should split the two halves would develop inside their own flowers.

That taken care of he pulled Silver Thread out of the air and allowed himself to concentrate fully on his new project. If it let him avoid thinking about the plants voring the babies, all the better. It was a ridiculous thought anyway.

[SCENE BREAK]

"Do you have any three's?" asked Shuichi who looked around eight. They're apparent ages decreased as they settled into the body.

"Go Fish," replied Youko looking just as young.

Shuichi sighed and reached into the serene pool they sat next to, pulling out a fish and swallowing it whole. Mindscape or not, it was fairly unpleasant. But even with the ability to astral project, 9 months in a womb got boring, and you had to spice up the time however you could.

The two Soul Flowers as they'd taken to calling them, started to shudder.

Youko smiled, "It's time."

"We'd better get to work then," Shuichi replied. Splitting hadn't been too horrible, but it was still odd having to mentally verbalize things.

They approached the flowers and stood under them until the two baby girls fell out, not quite awake yet. And here's where they had to work fast and carefully.

The girls were connected by a glowing umbilical cord; They hooked it to the center of the mindscape and slowly pulled the girls away from each other, hooking the cord to the ground as they went. Eventually the two pairs make it to two bridges made of vines and white cords, which connect to floating islands. Crossing the Bridges they connected the umbilical cords to the largest white bridge cord until they made it to the floating island and placed the babies into smooth pools of shallow water. They then went along the umbilical cords, thickening them and fusing them with the ground. 

The girls started to struggle as light started to shine out of one pool and they heard a cry.

Shuichi reached out his hand and grabbed Youko's. Youko gave a tired smirk, "moment of truth?"

"We've been working on this for months. We finally get to see if it succeeds."

"It will." But Youko continued to hold his hand.

Ten minutes later the other pool lit up and they heard another cry. The cords held strong. and you could see the tension wash out of them.

"Happy Birthday little ones. Welcome to the world." said Youko, fondness in his eyes.

Shuichi had a small smile on, "You seem to have claimed them."

"Shuichi... Your mother taught me to love. But I'm still a ruthless monster. If anyone harms those girls they'll _wish_ they were dead."

Shuichi chuckled, "just make sure that doesn't cause more trouble than necessary."

"Hmph."

Meanwhile, outside the mindscape there was a deep chuckle. "Mebuki... I think we're gonna have to rethink some of our plans."

Mebuki lay on the hospital bed exhausted. "What could possibly change? We planned for two adorable, healthy girls.... They _are_ healthy?"

"Of course honey. It's just, well... see for yourself." He handed the baby girl he was holding to his wife. _Their_ baby girl.

"Kizashi... is that... _pink_ hair?"

"It is. They both have it."

"It's so beautiful. Like a Sakura blossom... We can't name them both that though."

He chuckled, "Twins will be hard enough without giving the same name. How about... Umeko?" He picked up the other baby from the nurse.

"Plum blossom? To go with the cherry blossum? Hmm..." She mulled it over in her mind the carefully said, "Haruno Umeko... and Haruno Sakura. I think I like it."

Kizashi smiled, "Welcome to the family Sakura and Umeko."

[SCENE BREAK] 7 months later

As expected they spent much of their first months asleep, when the girls weren't learning coordination. They decided that they would let the girls front until they were at least toddlers, so they could get used to the world.

And then one dark night, they woke to a wave a malevolent energy washing over the village. The Other Kitsune. He was not suppressed... or was he?

That didn't matter right now. What mattered was that the wave of energy was agitating their carefully balanced system. The two boys ran to floating islands used for fronting and reached into the pools. They gently removed the girls and slipped in so they defend their bodies' internal balance, flooding them with their own energy. Shuichi using Spirit Energy, Youko... used demon energy.

They were both being carried swiftly by their parents as they fled the area with a truly giant orange fox they could barely get a glimpse of. They were eventually placed in a building with many other people and put in an area that seemed to be for the children of ninja's who were needed in the fight.

It was a tense period, waiting for their new parents. The caretakers seemed relieved they weren't as agitated as the other children. Eventually the waves of malevolence subsided and they felt safe enough to let the girls front again. Though they stayed on hand just in case.

Fortunately their parents came back, injured but alive. As they picked up thier children Mebuki blinked. "Wait, bring a light closer."

"Is something wrong dear?"

"It's Umeko. Her hair. The pink seems to have gone from the color of petals to a silvery pink."

Kizashi looked over and then back at the baby he was holding, "Sakura's seems to be the same shade... that's strange. We'll have to talk to a Chakra Specialist. There's no way this is a coincidence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	6. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Uzumaki finally move in to their house and have a house warming party. The children in town get to meet.

The Haruno's were on a shopping trip in the market. Sakura was looking around at all the bright colors when she saw another head of pink hair in the crowd.

She let go of her father's pant leg she heard the whispers in the back of her head.

'You should stay near your parents.'

'She's spotted a treasure Shuichi. Let her hunt it. We're safe.'

A resigned sigh.

That meant it was fine. Besides, Umeko could find her. And if not the whispers knew how to guide her.

She dodged through the crowd trying to find that hair. The hair like hers. She kept catching glimpses and having to turn a bit. But eventually she caught up. The person had long hair down to their thighs, it almost looked like their hair was made of rope. She reached out to grab it and just as her finger brushed it- the hair grabbed her back. 

She gasped as the stranger turned to look at her. It looked like they were gonna be angry but then relaxed as soon as they saw her. So she grinned, "Your hair moved! Can mine do that? Cuz it's pink?"

The person laughed, "It's a ninja thing. You gotta learn it. Where're your parents kid?"

"Uhh..." She listened to the whispers until they told her to stop, "That way!"

Just as she pointed it out they heard her father call, "Sakura! Sakura, where are you?"

Hari looks down at her, looks back at the direction of the voice and yells, "I think I've found Sakura!"

A few seconds later her father emerges from the crowd and sighs in relief, "Thank goodness you're alright sweety. You had me worried."

"Sorry papa... but they have _pink_ hair. Like _mine_." This wasn't quite right. The person's hair was a _little_ darker. But given the only other person she'd seen with pink hair was her sister it was close enough.

Her father chuckled, "So he does." He turned towards the person and bowed, "My name is Haruno Kizashi. Thank you for taking care of her."

"Hey it's no problem!" The man bowed back, "The name's Nagisa Hari. I transferred here two years ago from Redactedgakure."

She could feel the whispers perking up in interest. She sighed on the inside and tried to pay attention. The whispers liked learning gossip.

"Ah yes, I heard that Uzushio... moved."

"Yeah, it's all really hush hush."

"Are you enjoying it here?"

"It's _amazing_! It's so much easier to find parts to make stuff! And Mikoto-san is almost done with the house so we'll have a proper training ground!"

"Oh? I figured you would have already had a permanent residence."

"Well, we had to fix up the Temple. It was in pretty good shape, but some of the masks get ornery if the chakra in the area gets out of wack. I know Teihaku is looking forward to bigger sealing experiments."

"Oh? Where's the new place?"

"Oh, just across the way from the temple. On the edge of the lake. We should be able to move in next month. You should come by. We got a couple kids around Sakura's age."

"You do?"

"Yeah, a couple Uzumaki brats. A bit of a handful but we're used to it. And some of the Uchiha will bring their brats over to play. We'll take shifts watching them so you can have a bit of a break."

"That _does_ sound nice. And we're gonna have to teach the girls how to swim soon."

"Perfect! Tell me where you live and we'll invite you when we have a housewarming party."

That was about when she couldn't pay attention anymore. Besides, the whispers were saying stuff about Uzumaki and The Other Fox. She started playing with Hari-kun's hair. Or was it Hari-nii? They both had pink hair so maybe they were siblings? She wasn't sure. She'd have to figure it out. To her delight, his hair could play right back.

[SCENE BREAK]

It was about a month later when they went to a big house with a party next to it. And there were _so_ many kids. Most of them had black hair, but there were a couple blondes, even a brunette and a redhead. 

Umeko immediately waded into the crowd and started shouting with the other kids. Sakura hung back shyly. It looked like Umeko was already in a fight with a blond boy. The redheaded boy ran up to her with a big goofy grin on his face, "Hey, you wanna play?"

She blushed, "umm..."

"Shikamaru and some of the others are playing cards. They're a bit quieter than everyone else."

That sounded pretty nice actually, "sure."

He grabbed her by the hand and started leading her to the side with a few other kids, "My name's Kazuma by the way!"

She heard the whisper in her head, 'Wait... Kuwabara?'

She scrunched her forehead and blurted out, "Kuwabara?"

He stopped. "What was that?"

She blushed and slapped her hand on her mouth, "nothing!"

He grinned, "You're right! What was your name?" She got the feeling it wasn't dropped.

"Sakura."

"Nice to meet you Sakura! Hey guys!," He changed to shouting, "This is Sakura! Mind if she plays a round?"

A boy with long black hair and a forehead band smiled politely, "it's always good to have more opponents. It helps us develop better."

"It also gives people a chance to calm down after they lose," said a boy with a ponytail on top of his head. "Much less troublesome."

The girl giggles, "saying things like that will cause troublesome reactions Shika-chan." She turned to Sakura, "My name is Hinata-" 

Introductions were had and Sakura settled down with Hinata, Neji, Shikamaru, Choji and Kazuma. Though Kazuma seemed to pop back to the other kids and back.

...

"Hah! You can't catch me! I'm the _fastest_! dattebayo!" yelled Naruto.

"I can too! Shannaro!" Umeko shouted back. This boy was absolutely infuriating- even if spending time with him felt like scratching an itch.

"Oh Yeah?" He ran up to her and slapped her shoulder. "You're it, 'ttebayo!" Then ran of cackling.

"Oh, you asked for it!" and she booked it after him.

He seemed to never get tired. And he would duck behind things and she'd lose track of him.

'He went that way.'

'Yoko,' he sounded amused. 'Isn't that cheating?'

'Why do you care? Besides, he's using The Other's energy to not get tired. It's only fair she use mine to find him.'

...

"Shika-chan, you can't just hog her!"

"What are you talking about Ino-chan?" he sighed. "We're rotating playing cards. You can join if you want."

"Yes, I want to. I wanna play with her."

"I guess. She is kinda a challenge. Why do _you_ wanna play wither her?"

"Have you seen her hair? She's like a giant flower person."

"Hari-kun's hair is pink too."

The look on her face clearly showed distaste, "Hari-kun's hair looks like a bunch of _worms_."

... 

"So... Hine-Kuru-san," Kamaboko slyly injects into the adult's conversation. "What's this I hear about a 'Hyuga Affair'?"

The Hyuga woman gently smiled, "Hiashi and Hizashi are mortified, but I'm just happy to get it out in the open."

"How do you even _hide_ something like that?" Mebumi asks.

...

"Itachi-kun, Shisui-kun! I'm glad you could make it!" Shizuru smiled. "You're usually so busy. I feel I need to bully you into taking breaks."

Shisui snorts, "Itachi-chan deserves to be bullied into taking care of himself. He overworks too much."

"Ha! Like you're much better?" Shizuru asks.

"Shizuru-san." Itachi says clearly changing the subject. "I hear you're going to join us in some missions soon?"

"There's a decent chance of it yeah." First rule about ANBU. Never talk about it directly. "If I do I will drag you into breaks if I have to."

...

"Teihaku-kun. Why don't you come out to the party?" Mikoto asked.

Teihaku looks around to all walls of the reinforced room. They were covered in seals. 

"I just need to finish up these seals."

"You have an entire house to cover with who knows what. You need a _break_. Come have some food."

Just then his stomach growled, "I _am_ a bit hungry."

...

Kizashi found Umeko on a couch collapsed next to a sleeping Naruto. They looked so peaceful together. When he picked her up Naruto reached for her in his sleep. Kizashi chuckled, he got the feeling he was going to have an Uzumaki for a son-in-law.

...

"You know Hatake-san, you could have come down and joined us instead of stalking Naruto." Hari said looking up into the tree Kakashi was sitting in.

"What's the fun in that!" Kakashi eye-smiles.

Hari rolls his eyes, "Kamaboko says he'll feed you if you help clean up."

"Well how could I refuse an offer like that?"

...

"I think the pink haired girl is Kurama," Kazuma said in a private area.

"Oh yeah, this silvery-pink right? She feels like him." Shizuru replied.

"No, the one I was playing cards with. I told her my name and she said Kuwabara."

"Huh." Shizuru tilted her head, "You think Yoko went into one and Shuichi into the other?"

Kazuma shrugged, "We'll have to ask."

"Well, Naruto certainly likes the Umeko girl. We'll have to invite them over more regardless of if they're Kurama or not."

"Think it's cuz of the fox energy?"

"They're auras compliment each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	7. Pre-Academy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is like... ages 5-7.

The Haruno family started spending more and more time at the Uzushio House. And apparently, their father was serious about teaching them to swim.

And yet their parents still took turns taking them to the Uzushio House and teaching them. So Shizuru had to pick her timing carefully.

They'd come over a few times. She waited for one when their father brought them. After their swimming lesson, she brought them into the girl's baths (considering how much swimming their people did it was easier to have both boys and girls bathing areas in a big house like this). She then double checked her senses one more time to make sure. And asked, "the name Kurama mean anything to you two?"

Sakura went as pink as her hair and slid down in the water until only her eyes were visible. Umeko gave her an appraising look. "We can tell 'em whatever you want. I can switch if you wanna talk to 'em."

"Talking with him would be great, thanks."

Umeko closed her eyes and when they opened there was a look that was Kurama she knew. "Good evening, Shizuru."

She nodded, accepting the greeting, "Kurama. How's your new life treating you?"

"Very well. Having our minds so separate is a little odd, but having two bodies is convenient."

Shizuru raised her eyebrow, "you're all in both bodies?"

"Well," he chuckled. "The girls seem to know which body they prefer. And we're letting them front for the most part. But we're still here if you need us."

"I appreciate it." She replied. 

"Mmm… how hush hush are we about business?"

"Very. He's a highly skilled ninja after all."

Kurama nodded, "Can I ask about the other fox?"

She hated to betray that puppy dog look, "sorry. Top Secret. S-rank. You'll have to piece it together yourself."

"Will I now?"

Oh no. That was a trickster's challenge if she ever heard one.  
"Yes. You will. Have you seen Keiko yet?"

"Only in passing. Does she come over here?"

"Her father has an open invitation, but he's pretty busy. It may be a while before we can meet regularly."

Just then, Sakura yawned. Kurama smiled, appearing hit with a wave of exhaustion. "I think we need a nap."

Shizuru nodded, "let's go dry off. Your body is still four."

[Scene break]

"Why do you hang out with that girl all the time Uzumaki?"  
He was talking about Keiko. Kazuma took a deep breath. This kid was five. He was surrounded by five year olds. That wasn't surprising since he was in Pre-Academy. 

Pre-Academy was from ages 5-7. It was shared with civilian students, though Clan Kids seemed to be exempted. It seemed to just be learning the bare basics. Reading, Writing, Math, some Art, Oh... and Propaganda. The History Lessons were not subtle, but then they wouldn't be.

This doesn't change the fact that he was surrounded by five year olds who were being _mean_ to him. Sometimes having an adult's experience with a child's hormones was super rough. Like... he couldn't swear in front of them, but all the childish responses didn't seem sufficient to put these punks in their place. After all, he was trying not to cry. He chose... an alternate method, "Cuz she's cooler than you. Duh."

Really it was because she was the only other person in his class in with the same adult-child mind as him.

The boy's face turned red from anger, "She has cooties!"

"How would you know? Did you catch cooties from a girl? _I_ don't got cooties."

The other boys in his group glanced at their leader, some of the more skiddish ones inching away. The boy started shout, "Of course I don't have cooties! I don't hang out with _girls_."

"Then how would you even know if cooties _exist_?" Kazuma countered. " _I_ think you're just jealous she hangs out with me and not you!"

Then he dodged because it was obvious the kid was gonna attack him. After a bit of a scuffle (it was simultaneously frustrating and relieving that it was hard to beat up a five year old) the teacher walked in and yelled for everyone to calm down. 

They didn't actually get in trouble. Kazuma liked that. Fights only got you punished if you seriously injured someone or continued when the teacher said to stop. He suspected that had to do with giving prospective ninja some early experience. Either way it was nice to be able to smack someone for being a jerk.

Later, during lunch, him and Keiko were eating together in a corner of the schoolyard, she said, "you know you don't have to do that, right?"

"Hmm?"

"Defend me. We could just not hang out at school. I know how to get popular, you probably could too."

Kazuma scowled, "and let the next kid get it? nah."

She blinked, "what do you mean?"

He stared at her, and realized that she actually _didn't_ know. So he tried to explain, "you know how no matter what you said Yusuke was always being badmouthed by the school?"

She frowned, "Yeah. I don't see what that has to do with this world though."

Kazuma sighed, "There's always one or two kids like that. The rest of the class picks who they're gonna bully, and there's nothing those kids can do about it. If we weren't the ones everyone was hassling then I think it would be..." He appraised the schoolyard. "Probably that Lee kid. Right now he's just a little over enthusiastic, buy they tolerate him cuz he's just odd, not The Weird One. And maybe that Ayako girl? She dresses odd and is reserved enough. And she's too shy to fight back."

As he continued explaining he saw Keiko get paler and paler, "I- I never realized. But it makes sense. How-? I don't-"

"Calm down Keiko-chan," Kazuma said gently. "It's pretty easy to miss, even if you live it. As far as I know no one knows why it happens. It's just... a thing."

"Well, how do we stop it?"

"Uh... we don't?"

Keiko looked at him horrified.

"Keiko. We're five. No one is going to listen to how we need like... smaller class sizes. We'd sound crazy."

Keiko pursed her lips. "We're five... for _now_."

Kazuma blinked, then shrugged, "nice life goal you have there. Hope you pull it off. Meanwhile, I can give the other kids a few years of acting as Decoy."

Keiko nodded, "I'll have to join you. Need to know as much as I can if I'm gonna change things."

Kazuma chucked, "it's gonna be tough. You know."

She scowled back, "just because I can't summon a sword out of thin air doesn't mean I'm weak."

"Oh, I know. You married Yusuke. That couldn't of happened if you were weak."

[SCENE BREAK]

Half way through the year he was finally allowed to bring Keiko over for a few hours after school. It let Teuchi concentrate on his shop for the full day, and it's not like the Uzumaki couldn't take care of his precious daughter. 

Unfortunately, that was the day Naruto and Umeko tried to prank Kazuma with an eraser in wedged in the door. Keiko went in first and got covered in a cloud of chalk.

Kazuma heard a couple cheers and then a gasp. "You're not Kazuma-chan!"

"You brats!" he heard Keiko yell and the sound of a couple smacks. 

Kazuma winced, "Sorry Keiko-chan. I shoulda warned ya. Redactedgakure has a tradition of using pranks as training. They've been trying catch me but I'm never the one who gets hit."

"Well," she said pointedly. "If they're gonna train by hitting me with pranks, they'd better expect _more_ training in the art of _Dodging_." She glared at both of them.

They both looked down, "Sorry, Keiko-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	8. First Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yusuke comes to Konoha. First Year of Academy.

"Alright Yusuke, this is your last chance to back out. You're always welcome back home with The Family."

Yusuke looked up at his mother for his new world standing outside the gates of Konoha. She was tall and curvy and covered in so many tattoos it was impossible to mistake her for anything but a yakuza. "Yes Kassan, I'm _sure_ I wanna be a ninja."

"Ok," She took a deep breath. "Good luck. And if you end up dead I'm showing up and killing whoever is responsible."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

His father stepped forward and handed him a box, "Here's your supplies. I made sure everything is sharpened. Take care of your tools and they'll take care of you."

Yusuke blushed, "Thanks Dad." He's not sure if he'll ever be used to this tender man. It makes him wonder if it's how Kurama would be as a father.

And then there was the five year old sister who he _knew_ he'd never be used to. She came up and hugged him, but she looked a bit upset. He smiled, "Don't worry imouto, I'll come back and visit."

She sighed, "Yeah I know. and I know I shouldn't be worried about it right now, but are we just... allowed to change our names?"

Yusuke blinked in confusion, then looked up at his new mom.

"Of course," she answers. "Me and Yusuke have sneaky jobs. So having an extra name is just smart. It makes it harder for bad guys to find us."

"So I can just have a second name?"

"If that's what you want."

And then his precious, adorable, little sister said the worst thing she could possibly say, "I wanna be Atsuko!" And Yusuke's brain broke. Had she been faking it all this time? Could she even _do_ that?

"That sounds great kiddo," says their mother, not knowing the current horror growing in her son. "Atsuko's a great name."

Yusuke summoned up all the will he gained as a King of Demon World, and reminded himself that this _might_ still be legit. "It's very pretty Atsuko."

His adorable sister (past mom?) grinned up at him and hugged him, "when you get back _I'll_ be strong enough to protect all of you!"

He smiled, "of course! I'm looking forward to it." He released her from his hug and turned back to the gate guards, "all right. I think I'm ready to go in."

Apparently, when he wasn't looking a new ninja joined them. This one looked like they were barely in their teens. He smiled, "follow me. I'll help you get registered."

And so Urameshi Yusuke walked into Konoha for the first time.

[SCENE BREAK]

You'd think a village obsessed with secrecy would have less paperwork. But he'd spent at least an hour filling it out. He had to grit his teeth and remind himself that it was all to become a ninja. He bet Jin hadn't had to go through this shit to become a demon shinobi.

But afterward they showed him to a little apartment that he got all to himself, which was pretty cool. There was a nagging thought in the back of his head about how giving an 8 year old an apartment was probably irresponsible, but he wasn't going to look a gift hoarse in the mouth.

The teen (genin, he'd need to start remembering that) that had help him settle in smiled, "I'll take you around the market tomorrow, tonight we can go to a restaurant and then grab something for breakfast in the morning. Sound good?"

He had the sneaking suspicion he was being tested, "Yeah. I'm pooped."

"What would you like."

And just like that his mind went to Keiko and cozy nights in her parent's restaurant, and then decades of owning a little ramen stall with her, "Ramen. But the good stuff. With toppings."

The genin chuckled, "if that becomes a habit you're gonna become friends with the Uzumaki whether you like it or not."

"The who?"

"Don't worry about it. Let's go get some Ichiraku Ramen."

He was able to have a more relaxed view of the village now that he'd walked through it a couple times. He started taking note of landmarks and how to find his way home. As they got to what he recognized as the main street, since it went from the gate straight to the Hokage Tower, the genin found what he was looking for and ducked into a stall that had the scent of... he sniffed... yeah, that was some high tier ramen. He could feel his mouth watering already.

"Hello young men, what may I get for you today?" the middle aged man asked from behind the counter.

"Pork," said the genin. "And what do you want New Recruit?"

That was obvious. One where the Ramen was the Star of the dish. He could judge meats later, "Miso Ramen please. With boiled eggs."

"Coming Right up!"

As Yusuke watched the chef he was genuinely impressed. Every movement was efficient and practiced. But as he watched he couldn't help but notice, "Hey chef-san, you have a _lot_ of ingredients prepped. You gonna get through them fast enough?" 

The man grinned while sliding his Miso Ramen to him, "Oh don't you worry about that, I got some customers call in ahead. They're big eaters and there's a lot of them."

Yusuke grinned, "Itadakimasu!" and dug in. That shit was _amazing_. It felt like punching a bastard in the face.

And now he was conflicted. Yusuke had made some damn good Ramen. In fact, he had made  
ramen with ingredients most humans had never even heard of. But he didn't actually know if he was better than this man. And he was probably rusty too. Unfortunately, he had a job.

"Dammit," he said out loud. "Hey Chef-san. I don't suppose you're secretly a ninja I can learn under, are you?"

The man chuckled, "You're gonna have to make it to at _least_ chunin, but I'm a pacifist and went full monk, so you won't get more powerful."

Fuck. "This ramen is good enough I'm _still_ thinking about it."

"Whoa, hold up!" said the genin. "Teuchi-san, you used to be a ninja?"

"Decades ago. I've fully retired. Now it's just me, my ramen, and the girls."

Just then a voice came from the entrance. "Tousan! We're here!" Yusuke knew that voice like a balm on the scars of his soul. He turned and she looked just as she did as a child, maybe with shorter hair. Keiko.

He just stared with a stupid grin on his face while she talked with her new dad. She turned back to him and said, "Well, dummy? You gonna help me bring these outside?"

He heard her father start to reprimand her but cut him off, "of course!"

As they ran out with ramen bowls he heard the genin who helped him say, "did we just see love at first sight? I thought it was a myth."

And a grumbled, "It's like he was custom made for me to like him."

He followed Keiko to the side of the shop where there was a large table set up under an awning. "Who had chicken?"

A few hands shot up with some surprised looks going his way. Some of those looks held some recognition. He saw the Kuwabara siblings recognize him, and oddly two pink haired girls. He bet one of them was Kurama.

"Hey, who's that? He didn't work here yesterday?" said a blond boy sitting next to the more silvery pinkette.

"Be polite Naruto-chan," replied Shizuru. "He's obviously new to town."

"Well what's with his jumpsuit?"

Yusuke looked down. He had a loose green jumpsuit that he'd found at the apartment. It was a bit darker than he preferred, but he supposed that made for better camouflage. "The Hokage recommended it for Academy."

"You're going to Academy too? Oh man, how come I have to wait a whole other year?"

Yusuke went back for another load of ramen as Kuwabara said, "cuz you're too short."

"OK, but I'm not going to civilian school next year. Keiko can do it but I'm _not_."

To his surprise Shizuru followed him. There wasn't really enough space for all three of them to grab loads of Ramen but Shizuru went up to the genin, "Hey, Yakushi-kun right?"

"Yes, senpai?"

"You're babysitting the new recruit, right?"

"Only until Academy starts in a week."

"Wanna team up?" she asked. "I gotta grab a few things for Kazuma anyway. And it'll be good for the kid to have people he knows first day."

You know... It was kinda nice to have the adults just plan things once in a while. At least if one was Shizuru. He knew she wouldn't try to make him do anything stupid.

After he finished bringing out ramen he was introduced to everyone else. They chatted with some squabbling until dinner was done and the genin (what was it) Yakushi led him back home. "The Uzumaki have invited us to breakfast. Would you like to go, or would you prefer to just grab something from the store?"

"I think I'd like to have breakfast with them," he replied kinda happy he was being asked. "They're pretty cool."

[SCENE BREAK]

They couldn't escape Yakushi Kabuto until the week was fully over. But on the first day of school Yusuke followed Kazuma home and they had a meeting.

"Ok, so let me get this straight." Yusuke said after everyone got him up to date. "Orochimaru is _here_ in town. And the person who has the most contact with him is _Keiko_."

"It's not a lot." Keiko objected. "He just eats ramen sometimes with his 'associates.'"

"Right, but Shizuru knows there are, or at least were, two of him because one died defending Uzushio."

She nodded.

"But the one here doesn't seem to be aware of them?"

"Yeah, but he's a ninja," Kazuma said. "He could just be hiding it."

"And Umeko is Kurama, but so is Sakura. But the reason Sakura isn't here is to distract Naruto because crazy fox demon stuff?"

The silvery pinkette gave a small familiar smile, "I only have two bodies. I don't see what's confusing about that."

"So we're just... what? Biding our time?"

"I'm the only one at full strength, squirt." said Shizuru. "We gotta wait til you guys have a bit of clout. I _have_ been looking into things. There's a truly petty squabble among the Elders that might be important, but it's batshit."

"How?"

"I think Yamabango is literally paying Orochimaru to tell Danzo to fuck off."

Yusuke looked at her suspiciously, "is his name literally 'shalt no'? That doesn't even make sense"

"I don't know if that's on purpose or if it's one of the really weird names this world. If so he's been dedicated to this bit since the founding of the village. The Yamanaka insist he's a bastard child of their clan and trying to hide it."

[SCENE BREAK]

Yusuke was going to wait a year. But after a month he dragged Keiko away from the others to have a chat at the edge of the lake.

"Hey Keiko?"

"Yeah?"

"We gonna get married again?"

"Yusuke... We're eight."

"pfft." he waived her off. "Yeah, and? I can wait. But..." he blushed. "If you don't _wanna_ we don't have to. We had a full life together, and it's kinda lame to trap ya with me if you wanna try and find someone better."

The look on her face made it clear she thought he was being stupid, "You're kidding right? I've _tried_ other people. They never did it for me."

He swore he got redder, "Yeah, but that was before..."

"Before I died and you dabbled with other people?" She snorted. "I got news on you, ya know? I don't blame you. The closest you got to another wife was like... what? ten years?"

"Well..." He was getting uncomfortable, but he knew this would happen. "Hiei and Kurama..."

That made her actually giggle, "silly. I can _tell_ you guys were friends that happen to fuck. _Close_ Friends mind you. And, honestly? I'm less jealous of them than the others. You can keep doing that."

"Wait... really?"

"Yeah, I'm kinda just glad they take care of you sometimes."

"Huh. Kuwabara said he wasn't able to get over Yukina sleeping with other people."

He saw a mischievous look enter eyes. "Yusuke." she said, suppressing her laughter. "I'm not sure how to tell you this if you haven't noticed yet, but I'm not Kazuma."

He blushed again, "Right."

[SCENE BREAK]

Not a lot happened that year. Only Kazuma's prediction about Lee.

When it came out that Lee couldn't externally release chakra, the bullies suddenly switched from Kazuma to Lee. Or... they tried to.

Kazuma and Yusuke immediately started punching. This put them only everyone's shit list, with a few notable exceptions. Neji waded into the fray and broke up the fight saying something about how they were here to learn not destroy each other, and a girl named Tenten was so busy throwing Kunai at a target she didn't even notice.

After school Kazuma tracked Lee down, "Hey! Rock-kun!"

Lee turned, "why are you here? You're only gonna piss them off more."

Kazuma snorted, "Let 'em be pissed. Wanna drop by my place and train? We could use more sparring partners."

Lee looked over at him nervously, "No ones... asked me over before."

"Really? Well, come on! A whole bunch of us hang out! You'll fit right in, I know it!"

"Why didn't you invite me before?"

"Honestly?" Kazuma look him in the eyes, "Because if I did it before you would have been bullied sooner. But now it doesn't matter. I suppose it's a silver lining." He smiled gently and held out his hand, "Come on. Let's hang out."

Lee grabbed his hand back. "Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	9. The Massacre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of very powerful, very stubborn people who want the Uchiha Dead.

Shizuru sighed in frustration staring up into the afternoon sky. The investigation was so infuriatingly slow. She thought Elder Yamabango was a good lead, but he was seemingly a dead end.

He was the same age as the Sandaime, with silver hair and the fakest smile she'd ever seen in her life. She was positive that the only facial expression that naturally fell on his face was resting-bitch-face.

As far as she could tell he was a war orphan who joined the village when it was founded. He introduced himself as Yamabango, went through academy as one of the first students, and was put on a team with Elder Shimura. All official documentation said he was an exemplary ninja, except that he couldn't socialize worth crap.

As far as _gossip_ was concerned. Well, they say he rarely told a joke, but when he did he committed to it for the rest of his life. Legend has it that the Yamanaka clan head from the founding was convinced he almost introduced himself as a Yamanaka, convincing him that he was an illegitimate member. And yet... he never changed it. They offered to just let him take the Yamanaka name, and he refused.

They also say that whenever Elder Shimura did anything underhanded, Yamabango was there to drag it into the light. Many people considered this laudable, but there was another group that were convinced that he only did it because he was petty. 

Unfortunately, he was in the village so rarely and was so high ranking she hardly got more that fake, fake smile from him.

Just then she was jogged out of her contemplation by a flits at the edge of her vision. The first time she'd seen it she'd assumed it was Hiei, but unfortunately it was not. Of course, she only saw it when Shisui fucked up and didn't hide his speed under his shunshin, something he did meticulously. But he seemed to just be bolting. That's... really odd actually.

She looked over to him and felt the Doom hit her to the core. She had to do something, and do it now. She fixed his chakra signature into her senses and bolted after him, every step bringing more doom flowing through her heart.

[SCENEBREAK]

Academy was having their last recess of the day. Yusuke and Kazuma were lazing about when Kazuma suddenly went stiff.

"What is it blockhead?" Yusuke asked.

"I need you to do me a favor."

"What is it?" Yusuke followed his friends eyes. "You want me to ask that Uchiha girl out for, ya?"

"No, I need you to make sure she gets detention."

"What."

Kazuma blushed, "I've gotten better but I still can't fight a girl enough to make sure she gets detention. And that's the only way I can think of to make sure she doesn't go home."

"Why can't she go home?"

Kazuma rubbed his arm, "it's just- ya know-"

"One of your bad feelings?" Yusuke asked. "Is Sasuke included in that?"

His eyes whipped around and he shuddered, "Yeah. I'll go get Naruto to handle that, if you think you can-?"

"Yeah, I can piss off a girl for ya."

[SCENE BREAK]

Shisui was fast. This wasn't surprising, it was kinda his thing. 

However, it seemed he'd been running to a meet-up. How he'd arranged a meeting with Itachi while being chased by _fake_ ANBU was a mystery. But they were another thing that _slowed her down_.

By the time she caught up he was falling off of a waterfall. She Shushined right under him, caught him, and then sent out a chakra chain to the top of the waterfall. It wrapped around a rock and dragged her up with Shisui in her arms.

When she got to the top she saw Itachi, hand over his left eye, staring at an eyeball he was holding.

She looked down at the teen in her arms to notice that he was missing both his eye. "Give me that," she said, grabbing the Sharingan from the boy's hands and aligning it into Shisui's empty socket. She hoped she picked the correct socket.

"Now what the hell is going on!?" she shouted while using what little medical jutsu she knew to connect the tissue.

Itachi took a deep breath, "I gotta go."

"That's not a fucking answer!"

"My family's in danger. Someone took Shisui's eye. Said the Uchiha wouldn't be around much longer. I have to check!"

The boy ran off and Shizuru swore. 

After making sure Shisui wouldn't bleed to death she moved as fast as she could to the Uzumaki house. Ironically, this involved diving off the waterfall. However, unlike some people, she knew what she was doing. She slipped under the water and used her chakra to propel her through the water and high speeds. Such high speeds that the air bubble she used to breathe slowly deteriorated and she had to surface to renew it a couple times. 

When she got to her house she launched herself out of the water, landed on the dock, and immediately started sprinting to the door.

She burst in breathing hard. She looked at her team, who had apparently been minding their own business and having a relaxing day. She rushed over to Teihaku and dumped Shisui into his arms. "The Uchiha are in trouble, we gotta-"

Kamaboko was suddenly on his feet, "all of them?"

"The compound," she said absolutely certain. She could feel something happening there.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "Shizuru. I need you to tell the Hokage."

"But I can-"

"You're the only one who knows anything. You can give him updates. And you'll be able to sense the kids locations."

Her blood chilled as she glanced at the clock, school was almost over. Sasuke... and wasn't there another Uchiha? "I'll go. I don't actually know what's going on. but... Teihaku? Don't let anyone take Shisui. Not unless it's the Hokage himself."

Teihaku stood with Shisui in his arms, "He's stable, so it sounds like I'd better go with you."

"Be careful," she said to her other team members. "Apparently someone said the Uchiha wouldn't be around for long."

That put steel in their eyes as they rushed down the street to the compound.

[SCENE BREAK]

Kazuma sat outside the classroom where the others were having detention. When the teacher told him he should go home he stubbornly said it was _his_ job to walk Naruto home (it wasn't, Naruto could do it himself.) The teacher said he could sit outside if he was so stubborn, probably hoping he would go home. He wouldn't. He may not know what was going on, but he knew they had to stay here.

But he was sitting so he might as well try to sense what was going on. He took a deep breath and went into a meditative state. The compound was in _that_ direction. He reached and reached. He felt clusters of ninja. That Large group must be the Hyuuga, which means those two smaller groups must be the Aburame and the Yamanaka. They were on the close side of the lake, the Uzumaki and Uchiha were on the far side. Reach, and reach a bit more and he felt... something. It felt like fighting, and dying, and something... not quite human. and not quite demon either.

When he opened his eyes he was in the same room as the other kids, a lady in an ANBU mask close by, "welcome back. You may call me Neko. Did you sense anything interesting?"

She knew, and she felt trustworthy. He scowled, "Whatever it is isn't human. I couldn't get much else. It's kinda like squinting into the distance."

She nodded, "thank you. Why don't you go play with the other children?"

He looked at the other children. They weren't playing. She was hoping for a distraction though. He wasn't sure he could do that but he said, "sure," anyway and joined the other kids. They had a pretty tense night.

[SCENE BREAK]

There was blood everywhere. Itachi did not like blood. He didn't like violence at all really. And yet, it was visited upon his family, and his hands were covered in blood.

So much of his clan was dead. With all the piles of bodies it was hard to think any of them might be alive. His parents were dead, he knew that. Sasuke... he hadn't sensed Sasuke once. He was probably gone too. Shisui probably wasn't long for this world, if he even survived.

Everyone was dead, all because of some madman in a cloak covered in blue moons and his plant people.

Itachi stood up, looked around him one last time, and started to run. He ran and ran outside of the village. He ran until he collapsed, but that wasn't until a couple days later.

[SCENE BREAK]

A couple days later Shizuru was in a hospital room with Shisui. Mostly because she wouldn't leave it. Considering he was missing one eye and the other was covered in bandages that meant he was particularly vulnerable. Besides, there were fake ANBU and she didn't trust them not to attack Shisui in his sleep. 

"Shisui-kun." The Hokage was here, to figure out more of what happened. Since Shisui was the earliest victim on their timeline, "can you tell me what you remember."

Shisui sighed, "Not much I'm afraid. Something... happened. I lost my eye. I thought I gave the other to Itachi, but my sockets feel different."

"Actually, I think you may have Itachi's eye," said Shizuru. "He was covering one of his when I got there."

"How is Itachi?"

The Hokage sighed, "We haven't seen him since the massacre. We haven't found his body either."

Shisui shuddered, "If he has my eye, then find him. No one else can get it."

"Calm yourself Shisui-kun. We'll find him."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"Is that all you remember?"

"I think so."

The Hokage smiled gently, "If you remember anything else, be sure to tell me. You too Shizuru."

She nodded, "Of course Hokage-sama."

He left and Shisui sighed, "what's even the point?"

Shizuru raised her eyebrow, "of investigating?"

"Of living."

Ah shit. "Look, Shisui-kun. You can't just die."

"Yes, I can."

OK, fair. "How are Sasuke and your brother going to react to another family member dying so soon after everyone else?"

Shisui whipped his head around until he faced her, "what are you talking about?"

"People _grieve_ Shisui."

"No. Backup. What brother?"

She blinked, "I- I could have sworn you had a brother. Don't you?"

Shisui just faced her, expressionless, for a solid thirty seconds. When he finally broke the silence it was, "You know what? Fuck it. If I have a brother by the time I get out of here I'll admit you're right and stick around."

"And you'll both stay at my place until you're fully recovered." She had no idea where those words came from. It was like her mouth moved on it's own.

He snorted, " _and_ we'll stay with you until I'm fully recovered."

"Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


	10. Hiei Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiei does not like being in charge of Diplomacy. It's a terrible idea really.

The clearing was full of smoke and blood. Given how much of it was Hiei's fault it was actually quite satisfying. He'd sliced the throat of one D-rank ninja, spraying blood everywhere, and had hit another with his mortal flame. That one was screaming as he was burned to ash.

Hiei looked around for the third one. Nowhere to be be found. He scowled, missing his Jagan yet again. He turned to where Zabuza had just sliced the A-rank ninja clean through. An impressive feat with such a large sword. They aren't usually good at slicing.

He glanced around again. Just because a ninja disappears, doesn't mean they're gone. They can still attack. He'd say he'd do the same but... No. Hiei doesn't need to pretend to retreat. He just kills his opponent before that becomes an issue.

"Hey brat, that's only two corpses," came the voice of his... sensei, _teasing him_.

"I noticed," Hiei spat out disgusted. He should be able to kill three human _children_ no matter how powerful they are.

"Mm." Zabuza scratched his neck, pondering. "Means there's a witness. Were you using your eyes?"

Hiei made sure his expression showed just how stupid he thought that question was. If the expression wasn't enough the fact that his eyes were _still activated_ should drive the point home. And because he couldn't help himself he sneered, "What do _you_ think?"

As predicted, Zabuza smacked him upside the head. "Told ya we couldn't have witnesses."

Hiei scoffed, "We'll just have to kill any so called _family_ that comes after me. It's not like I haven't done it before."

"You keep bringing up killing your first dad. Makes me wonder if it's a threat." Killing intent started leaking from his aura.

Hiei just stared him down, "I'm not going to become emotionally attached to someone just because they're fucking my mother, Zabuza- _sensei_." He paused in thought, "Of course, if I killed everyone she seduced, I wouldn't have time to sleep. So I'm not attached to _that_ either. Which means unless you fuck up, you're safe... from _us_." He smirked, "You get what we came for?"

Zabuza chuckled and just held up a scroll.

"Good," Hiei turned his back on the S-rank ninja, a sign of contempt, not trust. Obviously. Then he headed towards the next objective. The sooner they got paid the sooner he could check on his family. He didn't particularly like the 'Demon Brothers,' they'd just picked up. They weren't even demons.

[SCENE BREAK]

"Well," His mother asked. "Were they Konoha nin?"

They were back in camp with their family and allies, all around a fire.

Zabuza shook his head, "Nah. Kumo nin. But it's not like there's zero communication between the two."

"I don't see why some D-rank ninja seeing my eyes is a big deal." Hiei interjected, "We can just kill anyone that comes after me."

"They're called genin, kiddo." his mother replied. "And I'm not actually concerned about that."

"Then why are we even discussing this?"

"Hiei." She reprimanded him gently with her _mom_ voice. "I would be a poor seduction specialist if I didn't have an intimate understanding of sexual, romantic, and reproductive customs."

Dammit, he's blushing. He _hated_ missing obvious things and she was about to _make sense_. He could tell.

"Ninja clans generally form two ways. Secret Techniques, and Bloodlines. Those with secret techniques only have the same connection to their illegitimate offspring as normal. But _Bloodline_ based clans, are heavily invested in _any_ offspring they produce." She saw him about to say he knew all this already and talked over him, " _So_ there are customs in place to smooth over clan politics."

Hiei grimaced. "Politics," He spat with disgust. He became intimately familiar with politics as Mukuro's boytoy, and did not like them. "Are you gonna make me do politics?"

She smiled gently, "Sorry honey, your fate was sealed when you were born. It's gonna be political no matter what."

He _hated_ politics. Fortunately, his mother decided to let him stew for a bit.

"Sooo." One of the Demon brothers said nervously. "How _did_ you get an Uchiha brat?"

While Yukina giggled and Haku blushed, Hiei snapped, "By _winning_ dumbass!"

His mother chuckled, "too true. Having someone going from trying to kill you to forgetting why because you have _thoroughly_ distracted them is about the biggest win a seduction specialist can get. He was even conflicted about trying again the next day."

"Wait." The young teen was calculating *something*. "Does... that mean _you_ raped _him_?"

She rolled her eyes, "He was trying to kill me. Forgive me for not asking exactly how willing he was. I suppose I should have just... let him stab me?"

Now that both of the Demon brothers were blushing (times like this reminded Hiei just how awesome his mother was) she judged Hiei's emotion levels with a glance (it was pretty hard to deny he had emotions when she was staring at them), "Anyway, the important part is that _how_ it happened doesn't matter. What matters is that if they kill me, you'll be pissed and not inclined to join them. And if they kill me after you join them it will be _worse_. Which means that a peaceful transfer has the same effects as a marriage treaty."

Hiei scowled, "And why should _I_ care? It's going to be really hard for them to get through Zabuza, and even if they do you'll just seduce them."

She sighed, "Well, that's the question isn't it?" She paused. "Hiei, you're not stupid. You _know_ what Zabuza is up to. And I help him because it would be nice to live in a not-so-bloody Mist. But we're Ninja, not having a back-up plan is akin to jinxing ourselves." She looked him straight the eyes, piercing into his soul, "If everything fails, we need somewhere to hide. And to _rebuild_. Konoha... would be a good place to do that."

"You're... You sending me to protect the retreat route? Really?"

"Admittedly Yukina and Haku would be more... temperamentally inclined towards that sort of thing. But unfortunately, they don't have the bloodline. Nevertheless, it is incredibly important. Since you'll also be helpful to prevent any diplomatic treachery."

Hiei growled, "So why were we _waiting_ you'd think you'd try to push me in that direction."

She sighed, "I was _hoping_ to keep your eyes under wraps until you were about twelve. Then you could skip Academy. I don't think you'd react very well to that sort of environment, and a village will try to put you through it to socialize you."

Hiei distinctly remembered watching Kurama through the windows of his high school and shuddered at the thought. "Do I _have_ to?" That came out as more of a whine than he intended.

"Unfortunately, probably. I suggest doing your best so you can skip grades."

Zabuza cuts in, "I suggest proving you don't need no stinking academy. With blood if necessary." 

"Konoha isn't going to take kindly to child murder."

"And yet, they still have child _soldiers_. I've seen bingo book entries that say things like 'was a genin by the age of 6.'"

"Just because they're hypocrites doesn't mean they'll let a _foreign nin_ get away with it."

Hiei turned away to check on dinner. He may glean some information from listening to the fight, but the kids already knew how it was going to end. Their mother was _very_ good at her job, and had Zabuza wrapped around her finger.

[SCENE BREAK]

"Hiei, how would you like a completely secure way to contact us?"

It had been a few days, and Hiei had reluctantly resigned himself to his new mission. His mother was being sly and clever with that question though. "Depends. What's the catch?"

"It's not guaranteed to work as planned, and it might work a little _too_ well."

He sighed, "Explain."

"You know how you and Yukina know when the other is hurt or in danger?"

"That's the twin bond."

"Right, I found a technique that let's you strengthen it. So you can communicate over long distances. But if it goes into overdrive you may not be able to block each other out."

Hiei scowled, "How likely is that?"

"Well... it's only been done twice, so we don't know."

"Let's talk to Yukina."

[SCENE BREAK]

It was called the Blood Twin technique. 

It was primarily based on the Blood Brother technique, which typically gave unrelated people a Twin-Like bond. But with some genjutsu and kage techniques it created a space where they could meet. Legend had it that the Sage of Six Paths used a similar technique when he created the Bijuu so that they could always communicate if they need to.

But Hiei rather liked the idea of being able to keep tabs on his twin sister, and through her everyone else. And she seemed to like the idea of keeping tabs on him as well. Which is how they found themselves on an island in the middle of a river completely naked, just in case their chakra got a bit... flashy.

"Ready?" Hiei looks up as he asks. 

Yukina just beams at him with a kunai, having already sliced both her palms.

Hiei rolls his eyes and takes the Kunai, doing the same. He then drops it on the ground and they clasp their hands together flaring their chakra.

He feels hot flames and cold winds whip around them. The last thing he feels as he's pulled into a more mental space is his forehead itching.

...

Hiei is surrounded by flames. Orange flames, purple flames, and he could feel at the edge of his senses below him, Darkness Flames. He could go down, he could feel a tie to his dragon. 

Unfortunately, he still needed to prepare his body to channel the dragon. Besides, that's not what he's here for.

He sends out his senses and feels it, an area of Cold above him. He blasts himself upward and lands on a floating island of ice. And there Yukina is, standing in her old Kimono, though he couldn't help but notice the blood splatter on the bottom hem, and more in a corner of the island. He proceeded to ignore them.

She smiles at him, "I think we did it."

Hiei nods, "Your Island isn't melting."

"A few flames aren't going to get through, you may want to be careful if you bring the dragon through here though." 

Hiei agrees, and he can tell Yukina feels it.

"I'm surprised your Jagan is here."

Hiei reaches up, and sure enough. He'd been looking through it the entire time, getting the extra information, and just hadn't noticed. "It knows who it's master is."

"I suppose you had it after death. It's just odd to think you see yourself with it even now."

Hiei chuckled, "Yukina... it's fully functional in this form."

"What?"

"I can use it. It's part of my _soul_ now. There's a reason the procedure was so painful." He scowled, "of course that means in order to use it, I have to leave my body defenseless."

"Well, that's certainly a conundrum."

They sat there for a time just getting used to the area. "Hey Hiei... How do we leave and make sure we come back?"

He tilted his head in thought, "an anchor?"

"An Ice Anchor? Going into the sea of fire?"

He shrugs, "just start making it, leave the rest to me."

As she made a chain out of ice he encased it in purple psychic energy, protecting it from the flames, and they dropped it down, making a link between the two.

"Now, just take a deep breath and think about your body, and how you're a part of it. You should be able to feel the pain in your hands this time. When we get back you should probably meditate by feeling your body and the surroundings. Doing that should help ground you and make it easier to get back." 

She nods, takes a deep breath, and disappears.

Hiei smirks and looks around one last time. A black dragon arches out of the sea of flames and dives back in. "Soon." Hiei says, and then disappears in a burst of flame.

[SCENE BREAK]

The Chunin guard was scanning his field of vision when he saw two people round the bend in the road. He squinted his eyes and paled, whistling the code for the genin to go get a jounin.

Thankfully, the larger person, who the guard recognized as Momochi Zabuza was approaching slowly. Walking next to him was a small shadow of a child, clothed all in black save for his white scarf.

As they approached the gate there were twin puffs of smoke as two jounin appeared. The guard had the distinct feeling Zabuza was smirking through the bandages on his face. "Well, if it isn't The Green Beast and Sharingan Kakashi. Don't worry, I'm just here to make a delivery." They followed his hand as he settled it on the boy's head, tousling his hair.

The boy scowled. "Get your hand off of me," he said as tomoe appeared in his eyes. "Before I _break_ it."

Zabuza laughed as killing intent started coming from the boy. "This is Hiei. He's nine. His mother sends him with her regards." His eyes darken, "If anything happens to him, we will know."

Hiei snorts, "getting sentimental?"

"Not at all. I find your family useful. Now, remember what I told you?"

He scoffs, at and _S-rank_ missing nin. "I don't need you to _tell_ me to kill people if they don't promote me fast enough. I know when murder makes things move along."

At that the guard felt dread in his gut. That... that did not bode well for how he was going to integrate. And the Uchiha Clan was already dealing with the whole massacre thing.

"Yeah, well if they don't like it I can still make use of you."

"Stop being so sappy, old man." This tiny boy grumbles, "go fuck my mom or something."

And Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mist, laughed out loud. "Knock 'em dead squirt," the man said as he disappeared in a cloud of mist.

The two jounin looked at each other. Gai grinned, "WELCOME TO KONOHA YOUNG ONE! I SHALL SHOW YOU TO THE HOKAGE AT ONCE!"

"Isn't this a clan issue?" asked the boy, clearly unimpressed.

Kakashi smiled with his one remaining eye, "don't worry. I'll go get one of the clan elders and meet you there."

"See that you do."

...

Inside the gate Gai smiled at the new child, "See that large building? That's where the Hokage works. If you want, I can carry you there. It will be faster."

And the child, with his cool yet youthful attitude scoffed, "Why don't _you_ keep up?" And he disappeared jumping onto the nearest building and ran towards the Hokage's tower.

Gai grinned as he followed. He'd intended on just following the boy at an easy pace, but quickly found he was actually moving at Gai's most comfortable speed. A speed most ninja, even jounin, had to push themselves to attain.

As they arrived at the tower, Gai slid in front of the kid to get there microseconds before him. The kid clearly noticed, and smirked. "That was impressive speed young one, with a bit of training you may even beat me in a race."

"Any time. You'll find I'm faster than you know."

And indeed, he wasn't even winded. What a great kid. "Well, shall we enter?"

"No," said the boy with a sneer. "I'll be waiting for that elder the cyclops was going to get."

Gai laughed loudly, "CLEVER AREN'T YOU? WE SHALL WAIT HERE FOR MY ESTEEMED RIVAL THEN!"

The boy crossed his arms and leaned against a pillar.

Gai chuckled and glanced around, out of habit mostly. He noticed a head of orange hair duck into the trees near the academy. It would seem the boy's classmates would know about him before he arrived in class.

After a short wait Kakashi ran through the gate escorting an old woman. She was... Keru-sama he believed. The last remaining Uchiha Elder. She had protected as many of the children as she could during the massacre, which kinda skewed the clan towards the young side. She was also the de facto Clan Head until they could find a better candidate.

And she marched right up to the boy and grabbed his chin to stare into his eyes. His eyes glazed over for a second, and the he blinked and scowled right back at her. The intensity was palettable. After a minute of tense silence she smirked, "They're genuine all right. and his."

"Of course they are. I'm not going to steal someone's eyes and then try to make buddy-buddy with their family. That's would be the height of idiocy."

"You'd be surprised how stupid some people can be."

"I _really_ wouldn't."

That startled a chuckle out of her, "Well, let's go talk to the Hokage shall we?"

[SCENE BREAK]

When the cyclops finally opened the door, an old man who was clearly The Hokage sat behind a desk. Hiei couldn't help but be impressed by what he saw in the old man's demeanor. He was clearly S-rank, even if he was weakening with age. And Hiei felt the urge to regain his old power as soon as possible.

The green powerhouse had let them go in without him, but the cyclops stood behind the old woman in a clear bodyguard position. Interesting.

"Keru-san, Kakashi-kun," The Hokage acknowledged. His eyes moved to Hiei. "And who might you be?"

"Hiei."

"I hear Zabuza brought you here." Hiei was fairly certain he hadn't had time to be informed. Probably some sort of divination.

"Yes." He let the silence sit.

"And you're an Uchiha?" It felt as though the Hokage was reading his soul, which was ridiculous. He was cold reading his body language.

"My _sire_ was an Uchiha. Whether I am is up to politics."

The Hokage looked at the old woman who said, "He's an Uchiha, and we're keeping him. Though, speaking of you're sire... know anything about him?"

Hiei looked back over to her and produced a piece of paper from his cloak to hand to her. It was his biological father's old Bingo Book entry.

Looking it over she raised an eyebrow. "Hayaku? He's been gone for-" She looked at Hiei. "About ten years. Don't suppose he's still alive?"

"My mother says he died the day after I was sired."

"She tell you what happened."

He shrugged. "He didn't accept my mom winning by seduction, so him and my twin's sire killed each other rather dramatically. I didn't exactly press for details."

Hiei took satisfaction from the looks everyone else in the room was giving him. His mom's antics were _great_ at confusing people, and ninja tended to figure it out fast... but it still took them a bit. Even the Hokage blinked before he sighed. "It sounds like he was still on his mission then. I'll add his name to the Memorial Stone."

The old woman nodded, "Thank you Hokage-sama. If that's all you need, I'll just take Hiei to the Hospital shall I?"

Hiei scowled, "I'm fine."

She smiled gently. It would have been friendly if he didn't see the threat underneath. "Hiei. You have a brother. I need to take you to meet him."

He scowled and took a deep breath. He didn't need more siblings. He didn't _want_ more siblings. But he was supposed to get people to _bond_ with him. He supposed a brother would be inclined to do so. 

[SCENE BREAK]

Shizuru looked up as she heard a knock on the door of Shisui's hospital room. It cracked open and voice called, "Shisui-kun, are you up visitors at the moment?"

Shisui sat up and opened his eye. He'd only had it uncovered a couple hours ago and he was still getting used to the light. "Keru-bachan? I- guess? Did something happen?"

"I suppose you could say that." The Uchiha Elder opened the door more fully and walked in. Following behind her was... Hiei? It was just Hiei. Same hair, same clothes. The only difference was... Shizuru hid a smirk. The only difference was his adorable baby cheeks.

Hiei glanced over at her. She could see the initial dismissal as his eyes moved on, and the moment of recognition as they flicked back to her. She could also practically hear him tell her that if she so much as snickered he'd murder her. Not that it helped her. She was barely restraining the urge to laugh her ass off.

Unfortunately, Keru was glancing at her suspiciously.

Shizuru did her best to school her expression as Keru looked back at Shisui, "Well, no use beating around the bush. Your long lost brother just showed up out of the blue."

"What?" Shisui stared at the miniature demon turned brat in shock. "Uh... Hi? I'm Shisui."

"Hiei."

The silence descended on the room like a heavy cloak.

Keru coughed, "anyway, I know you're not in the best of ways right now. Are you up to rooming with him yet, or should I put him with the rest of the kids?"

And Shisui just straight-up blue-screened. 

Shizuru smirked, "Actually, Shisui lost a bet with me and has to stay at my place until he's fully recovered. Hiei is, of course, invited. We have enough spare rooms, and I won't even yell at him if he decides the trees are more comfortable."

"Shizuru-!" Keru started to reprimand only to be cut off by Hiei.

"Are you trying to manipulate me into sleeping in a _bed_?" he spat out the last word in disgust.

Keru turned to stare at the brat while Shizuru replied, "of course not, kid. It wouldn't work anyway. But people would freak if I didn't give you a room. Even if you never use it."

Hiei just scoffed and Shizuru finally let herself chuckle. 

"Here," she said biting her thumb and summoning a dragonfly the size of her forearm. The Dragonfly tilted it's head, "another messege?"

"Yeah Hakuton-chan. Mind showing this brat to the house and telling Kamaboko he's Shisui's younger brother and going to be staying with us? Oh, and Shisui should be out by tonight, they just wanna check him one more time."

"Oh, that's great news!" said the summon. "Of course I can show him there, safe and sound!"

"Great. Let's go." Hiei said while walking towards the window.

"Oh! We going the ninja exit? You're certainly precocious!" 

Hiei sighs as he opens the window and leaps out. The dragonfly darts out after him.

The three of them just stare at the open window for a few seconds until the Uchiha Elder took a deep breath, "Shizuru-san. What the hell are you thinking!?"

Shizuru was feeling lucky Keru wasn't yelling, "I got an unusually large amount of information on him as soon as I saw him," Shizuru lied. Continuing more truthfully, "That boy is so feral it's funny. If you treat him like a normal kid he's just going to corrupt the others."

The old woman looked at her flatly, "and you're not worried about _your_ kids?"

Shizuru grinned, "my brats are already half feral. They can just pretend they aren't. I'm hoping I can rub a little of that off on him. At least enough for him to sleep in a bed once a week."

"You're... serious. It's _that_ bad?"

"It's worse. But don't worry," Shizuru smiled up at the woman. "The Uchiha kids are welcome at my place and he can get used to their presence. Maybe even bond enough. It's not like we aren't already hosting Sasuke."

"Yes..." the woman squinted at her, "I hear it was _Naruto_ -chan who insisted on that?"

Shizuru nodded, "Kazuma felt something wrong and roped Yusuke and Naruto into getting the Uchiha students detention. And after what happened, Naruto is convinced Sasuke is in danger if he goes home. He should calm down in a few months. I figure it'll be best if he moves in with Shisui-kun when he recovers."

The old woman scowled, "very well. But if you make any big decisions for any other Uchiha, you will learn just how I survived to this long as an active shinobi."

Shizuru froze, "Wait... you're still _active_!"

A chilling smile spread over her lips, "I was only taken off after the massacre. Less than a week ago."

Shizuru felt like she'd just dodged a bullet.


	11. Early Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiei... in academy? Do you want him to burn it down?

Hiei stood on top of the large house the dragonfly showed him to, gazing over the lake. This is where he would have to stay for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, he knew very little about it. Usually by the time he chose to stay somewhere he'd been through the area several times and was familiar with it.

At least Shizuru was here. She was generally sensible for a human. Of course if she was here... then chances were the oaf was too. He and Yukina were related this time too, so if they're trying to keep the relationships intact that would be logical.

He heard someone walking up the side of the building and turned his head. They were announcing themselves by being purposely loud so he may as well pay attention for a time.

It was the red haired man the dragonfly had gone to talk to when they arrived. He grinned, "found a good perch, huh?"

Hiei shrugged.

"The name's Kamaboko, I hear you're staying with us for a few months."

"That's what they say." The bastard was trying to read him, he could tell. 

Of course that didn't stop the man from sitting next to him and look across the lake as well. After a moment of companionable silence the man pointed to a cluster of houses across the lake. "That's the Hyuuga compound. They have an impressive Doujutsu." He then points closer along the edge of the lake, "Those are the Yamanaka, they specialize in mind control. And those are the Sarutobi, the Hokage's Family. And that is the Mask Temple, we brought specialists from back home to take care of it. And that-" He said pointing behind them, "is the Uchiha Compound."

Hiei nodded to show he understood and replied casually, "it smells like blood."

The man froze and took a breath to seem more nonchalant, "they're not done cleaning up yet."

"Why come up here?"

The man chuckled, "Well, I figure you're gonna need two things. To explore the area, and to go shopping. If you wanna explore first I'll just grab you a few things until tomorrow."

Hiei appraised the man. He seemed to be telling the truth. "That would be acceptable."

"Alright," he said getting up. "I'll get on that." He turned back as if forgetting something, "We have a couple kids about your age. They'll be back in about an hour with a bunch of friends. They can be a bit loud and may try to rope you into socializing."

"Thanks for the warning, but I think I can handle them."

"I'm sure you can," he replied chuckling as he leaped off the roof.

Hiei waited a minute before jumping of the roof himself. He would prefer to know the lay of the land before the oaf got back. Especially if he was bringing children. The less Hiei had to deal with snot-nosed brats the better.

[SCENE BREAK]

As they all showed up to to Kuwabara's house Yusuke noticed someone standing in one of the trees. A _familiar_ someone.

He smiled mischievously and caught Keiko's eyes. With a few glances he communicated what he wanted. She glanced up to the tree and grinned. 

"Hey Naruto, want some after school snacks?" she asked.

The boy perked up, "Yeah! Let's go!" And he started running towards the house.

"Hey Lee, you mind helping?"

"Of course Keiko-san!" he said following her in. Sakura followed as well.

Yusuke loved that woman. There sure was an advantage to being married for an entire lifetime.

That left Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Umeko, who snuk up under the tree. 

"I can tell you're there."

"Dammit! I was hopin to knock you out of the tree." Yusuke huffed.

Hiei scoffed, "well, you're going to have to do better than that paltry attempt." He disappeared off the tree branch and appeared in front of them. "Honostly it's almost as if you've become rusty, like you've been slacking off since we got here." 

While Kuwabara had the decency to blush, Yusuke just grinned and tackled the shorter boy. Umeko and Kuwabara glanced at each other and grinned, tackling them both to the ground in a giant group hug. As the three of them giggled Hiei waited about fifteen seconds before saying, "Are you done, yet? Because I _will_ set myself on fire and kill all of you."

They all untangled, three of them giggling and the last with a small smile on his face he'd deny to his dying breath and beyond. And there was a prevailing feeling in the air that they'd be able to conquer the world.

[SCENE BREAK]

When Sakura had seen the boy in the tree, she had taken the chance to bolt by helping make after school snacks. After all, she was having _emotions_.

Now, Sakura had a crush on Sasuke. This wasn't surprising. _Most_ of the class had a crush on Sasuke. But when she had looked at that boy, she'd had a similar rush... and then the other emotions hit. 

Yoko and Shuichi were usually pretty good about keeping their emotions to themselves. But the wave was... approval, comfort, fun? Definitely friendship like when they met Yusuke and Kazuma. But also something... fierce.

She tried to pick through her emotions while the others were distracted. They were definitely similar to what she felt for Sasuke. And she _liked_ that the others liked him. Did she feel anything _else_?

She peeked out of the window to look and blushed. She didn't know if the feeling was different or just stronger... a lot stronger.

But- If she felt stronger about Hiei does that mean she'd _stop_ having a crush on Sasuke? She _liked_ having a crush on Sasuke. 

She heard Yoko chuckle in the back of her head, _silly girl. Crushes are emotions. You can't just stop them_.

 _But,_ she thought, _Does that make me bad? Aren't you only supposed to have one boyfriend?_

 _For one thing, just because you have a crush doesn't mean you have to pursue it._ Yoko's tone shifted from amused to mischievous, _for another- what's wrong with having two boyfriends? Wouldn't that be... fun?_

She could tell he wasn't bothering to send her an image. The two boys kissing her at once was all her and-

"Sakura! Are you OK? You're nose is bleeding!"

She was suddenly distracted with trying to keep blood off her surroundings.

[SCENE BREAK]

"Hey, Hiei."

He looked up to Shizuru who had found her way onto the roof. "Yeah."

"We should talk."

He scowled, "about what?"

"Academy."

"Oh- That," he spat out in disgust. "Is it true that by the time you're done you're a D-class ninja."

"D-class?"

He rolled his eyes, "Able to do D-rank missions. Above that it's the ability to do different ranked missions on a team but without supervision."

"I see. And what are you then?"

"Well... considering I'm only here because the third D-rank ninja got away, I'm either high D-rank or low C-rank." He paused and looked at her stubbornly, "I'll be S-rank before you know it."

"Of course. You weren't killing Konoha nin were you?"

"No. The were from Kumo. My mother has been keeping away from any Konoha nin she could."

"Why?"

He smirked at her, "she said she was worried I'd blow up academy or kill half my class. She wanted to wait til I was old enough I could conceivably skip it." He looked her dead in the eye, "just to be clear, I will kill anyone I need to to skip sitting in a room with a bunch of snot nosed brats for hours every day just to do basic chores. If that's half the class then so be it."

Shizuru sighed and rubbed her forehead to alleviate the headache that was coming on. "I'll talk to the Hokage."

[SCENE BREAK]

Shizuru grabbed Shisui and went to visit Keru. After accidentally pissing her off, Shizuru didn't want to push the Elder's temper.

"I don't see why I shouldn't give my blessing." The old woman said, "However, I think we have one more stop to make before we talk to the Hokage."

And that's how Shizuru found herself in front of a house that she'd spied on in the past. Keru marched up to the door and pounded on it yell, "Hey Bitch! Open the door!" 

Shizuru choked on air for a second. A few seconds later the door opened to reveal a young boy with smooth hair and a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Good evening Keru-sama. I know you asked for Jiji, but I was closer to the door and he's distracted in his office."

"Oh, Saiko-kun. Don't you worry. Tell him we're gonna have a meeting with the Hokage he may want to crash."

"Yes, Keru-sama. What are the chances?"

"Mmm..." She thought a bit. "between 60-40 and 70-30 in favor. Tell him it involves the feral Uchiha."

"Or course Keru-sama."

He had been extremely polite the entire conversation, which is why it was strange that he closed the door in their faces.

"Oh, he's just like his grandfather when he was that age. Come on, let's go."

As they roof hopped to the Hokage Tower Shizuru asked, "So... what was that about?"

"If we're lucky, then nothing. If not, well- how do feel about politics and drama?"

"I'd rather avoid it."

"Too bad." she said as they entered the Hokage tower. She walked up to the front desk, "Excuse me, I have a code Tea and Sake."

The chunin behind the desk just gave her a slow blink, "you know you're codes are unofficial and don't mean anything."

"They mean plenty hun, just go tell the Hokage and let him decide."

The chunnin sighed and went into the Hokage's office for a brief moment, "He'll see you now."

After they filed into the room the Hokage took a puff out of his pipe and sighed, "So... what's the petty political not-emergency?"

Shizuru and Shisui glanced at each other. That was a very specific and odd code.

Keru's smile had an edge to it, "we need Hiei to bypass academy."

The Hokage stared at her flatly. "Keru-san. You _know_ why that's a bad idea."

"I have been convinced putting him through academy is a _worse_ idea... Hiruzen-sama." Keru replied calmly but with a back of steel in her voice. "Which is why we need an alternate way for him to get everything he needs from academy."

"I can just tutor him." said Shisui. "I"m pretty sure all he needs is History, but I can check on everything else. He was running missions before he came so his basic skills should be up to snuff."

The Hokage sighed, "and how will tutoring get him teammates? Build trust between Konoha Shinobi and a young _foreign_ nin. Especially one as anti-social as your brother?"

"He's already friends with the other kids at my house," cut in Shizuru. "Particularly my brother, Yusuke-kun, and Umeko-chan."

"Who are all going to academy."

"I can solve that."

Hiruzen stared at her, "are you seriously offering to train four kids into genin by the next test? It's in three months."

Shizuru nodded, "If it's those four. The main reason Kazuma hasn't skipped grades is because we discussed it and figured going to academy would be the most advantageous. Yusuke-kun and Umeko-chan are comparable intelligence wise. Sakura is too, but I think she could use the extra physical conditioning."

She felt the look the Hokage gave her pierce her soul and leave it open. "Three months. The others need to continue attending academy at the same time. Three must pass. If all four pass one will be your apprentice for a year."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Good." He then turned to the leader of their group, "since you called this meeting I'm going to want a favor, in addition it is your job to prevent Danzo from murdering Sai." He flared his chakra and suddenly the sound of a commotion entered the room.

Keru grinned. "Of course Hokage-sama," she said as she swept out of the room. From the other side of the door they heard, "Alright Bitch, thanks for picking me up."

"Why is he even picking you up Musume-hime?" The voice was raised despite obviously trying to stay calm. Shizuru felt Shisui's energy spike oddly and she grabbed his hand to drag him out of the room. She would clearly have to.

"Didn't you know? We're dating," another voice said completely deadpan. "You're a poor teammate if you can't even keep track of who we're dating. Especially if it's each other."

When the two young adults left the Hokage's office they saw the chunin from before hiding under his desk. Shizuru gave him an understanding nod as she stealthed around the three old ninja. Keru was scowling at him.

"We are _not_ a team, and you two are _not_ dating!" she could recognize Danzo now.

Keru grabbed the third person, Yamabango, by the collar and dragged him down into a kiss. Shizuru could swear she saw a sunset behind them. 

Danzo just stared at them for a full ten seconds before storming into the Hokage's office, slamming the door behind him.

Keru released him. "Was the sunset really necessary?"

"No, but I've been told it's hilarious."

"Was it Gai-san? I bet it was Gai. He uses that jutsu all the time and he had to learn it from _somewhere_."

"I'm sorry Splatter-chan, but that's classified information." He turned away from her and walked up to Shisui. He pulled something yellow out of his pack and put it in front of Shisui's mouth. When the boy didn't react and just continued to stare into space with a glazed look the old man sighed and said with a tone that screamed ANBU captain, "bite down soldier."

And Shisui bit down. Then spit it out gagging, "is that a fucking lemon!?"

"Yes." No emotions. Just matter of fact. Then he turned and started walking out

"WHY would you DO that?" asked Shisui as everyone else started following him.

"You were having a panic attack. Eating something terrible and shocking grounds you. Do you feel better?"

It was as though lightning left Shisui's eyes only for it to fizzle on the glass wall of Yamabango's serenity. 

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Hey Keru-baachan," Shisui said slowly. "I know he's your friend but can I kill him? Please."

"You'll have to wait until Hiei's a jounin," Keru replied. "We need him to specifically foil what Danzo is planning."

"What's Danzo planning?"

The man smiled that strange smile again, "It doesn't matter. What matters is that we foil him. Speaking of, who's Hiei? Is he from Redactedgakure?"

Keru cut in with, "Momochi Zabuza's step-son. He's an Uchiha. Shisui's younger brother."

That seemed to take Yamabango aback as his brow furrowed in confusion, "Really? Interesting. A new variable. Danzo will have trouble resisting someone like that."

"Yeah, well we can plot on the date we need to have now."

"Oh right. Should we do that for a month to add evidence."

"Mmmm... at least six weeks." Keru turned to them, "Don't two you need to go get the graduation requirements from the teachers? And permission from the Haruno Umeko's parents to accelerate her schooling?"

The younger two looked at each other as the old 'couple' walked off. "I'll get the requirements if you go talk to the Harunos," Shisui offered.

"Yeah, I can do that."

"By the way... Bitch sounds like one of those weird Uzusho words you use. Do you know what it means?"

"It's a swear word. She's insulting him." Shizuru paused thinking, "If you called me a bitch I'd kick your ass."

"He's not kicking her ass. Or even protesting."

"Yeah... that's probably because he's a bitch."

[SCENE BREAK]

"Hey Hiei, you up here?"

Hiei looked over from his usual perch on the roof to see his latest 'brother' approaching carrying a pack. "I'm thinking of finding somewhere else. Everyone seems to interrupt me while I'm up here."

"You may want to hold back on that otouto. Least til we get you out of school. Speaking of, we got the early graduation requirements."

Hiei smirked, "Good. Show me."

Shisui pulled some books and papers out of his bag, and they started going over the requirements. 

"It looks like I need to be able to read and write a legible report. Math, but I don't even need algebra. Simple physical stuff. Three Jutsu I already know. Your version of history. And... chakra theory."

"Sounds about right."

"What's chakra?"

"Wait... you can do jutsu and don't know what chakra is?"

He scoffed, "all it is is taking energy from my soul, funneling through my body to add something a bit more substantial, and shape it to do what I want."

"Ok, so the energy from your soul is called spiritual energy. Your body has physical energy. When you mix them together you get chakra. Which you shape into jutsu. Make sense?"

"Yes."

"Good. We can go over more stuff but it isn't much more complicated than that. Meanwhile," Shisui picked up one book in particular. I figured I could read some history out loud to you til the others get here."

"What do the others have to do with anything?"

Shisui sighed, "OK, so you know how Konoha has a reputation of being soft and mushy?"

"Yes."

"That's cuz we're obsessed with teamwork. You seem to get along with the kids here-"

"I do not."

"Would you rather be assigned to a team with random kids? Who are older than and probably resent you for being younger?"

Hiei scowled, "the others are... tolerable."

"That's what we figured. So were training a bunch of you. And enough have to pass to make a team. So you should probably help them."

And Hiei grinned, though it was distinctly menacing, "I can do that."

[SCENE BREAK]

When everyone met up after school at the Uzumaki House the Haruno's were already there. This wasn't overly unusual. After deliberating between all of their selves Kurama figured they didn't get much of a chance to socialize with other adults. But this time their parents wanted to have a chat.

Early graduation. That was certainly tempting. Yoko and Shuichi had been getting a bit stir crazy in academy. Umeko liked a challenge. but Sakura. Sakura could only think, what about Ino, or Sasuke... or Naruto? She didn't want to just leave them. Maybe Naruto wasn't such a big deal since they'd still spend time here but he calmed down a _lot_ near the twins (they suspected it had to do with Yoko). 

Sakura and Umeko locked eyes. They didn't need to, but they found coordinating mentally in front of other people caused less of a stir if it still _looked_ like they were communicating with each other.

They nodded. "I'll do it." said Umeko.

"And I'll stay in academy to keep us both grounded. It'll give everyone who graduates a link back to our class."

"Are you sure, honey?" asked their mother.

"Yes. It's best if one of us stays behind and I have more to lose if I graduate."

"It's not because of that Hiei boy is it? You seem to avoid him. If you have any misgivings we should know." said their father.

Sakura blushed, "No... that's not... _Tousan_."

Their mother smirked, "I _told_ you Kizashi."

" _Kassan_ " Sakura objected as Umeko giggled at her. " _Stop iiit_!"

[SCENE BREAK]

Over the next three months when the group gets back from school they start cramming. First came mock tests to see where they were on all their subjects. There were some surprisingly low results on things they already learned due to not having used said skills for at least a decade.

During the day Shisui would read History and Chakra Theory out loud to Hiei. They had all the History from Pre-Academy and first year to get through so they concentrated on that.

When the rest of the kids got home First heavy physical training, then once their energy was out hit the books. The other kids were invited to join, but tended to get distracted part way through. Not that it wasn't useful. Lee in particular took to the physical training.

And so they rapidly improved until they could do the mock tests with ease. And then continued training right up until the test. That they smashed with flying colours.

Afterwards they sat on the dock next to the Uzumaki House.

"I can't believe they only give us a weekend after finals to recover," said Kuwabara.

"What are you talking about?" asked Hiei. "Aren't tests supposed to prove you can do something? Why delay?"

"Usually we get a couple weeks after finals? Wait... you were a demon! When did you ever take a test?"

"When Mukuro recruited me. And whenever she had to prove I could destroy anyone she invited to watch." Hiei replied, "half the time we should have killed them anyway. It would have been more efficient."

"It was murdering demons wasn't it?"

Umeko chuckled as Hiei replied, "Obviously. I had one job, and I did it _very_ well."

Yusuke snickered, "I thought you had two jobs."

Hiei glowered at him, "if you're talking about sex- that wasn't a job. I know people who have sex as a job and I assure you, there was nothing professional about our sex life."

Umeko and Yusuke descended into giggles as Kuwabara blushed.

As they were recovering Umeko dragged the subject back on topic, "do you think they'll split us up?"

"They want me thoroughly friended by you before they try to pass me to other teams." Hiei said disdainfully. "I'll be on a team with at least one of you."

Yusuke nodded, "I'm pretty sure even if they split us up they'll probably have us work together. And once we get a high enough rank we can just make our own team. We already know we work well together anyway.

Kuwabara grinned, "that a promise Yusuke?"

"Hell Yeah, it is."

How will Team Urameshi to being an official Ninja Team? Who will their new Sensei be? Find out next time, in Team Spirit Detective!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art is provided by LokiNeko. They signed up to do a piece of art and were all "but what if I did 9-10?" Which absolutly blew me away. Check out their other stuff!  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/LokiNekoDraws  
> Tumblr: https://lokineko.tumblr.com/


End file.
